>   I got ahold of 2 network cards, 8-bit ISA things. My friend claims
>   that they're 3c501's, but the only thing on the card is a sticker
>   that says "Ether 2000".
               ^^^^^^^^^^

Just to be a bit whacky, from the name it sounds like they might be
NE2000 clones, try the ed driver instead.

If this works, it indicates a fault in the el probe code for falsely
recognising the card, but PC hardware might make it real hard to fix.

--
Dan.