Talk:1853 Atlantic hurricane season

This review is transcluded from Talk:1853 Atlantic hurricane season/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Reviewer: Hurricanehink (talk · contribs) 03:04, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• Good lede overall. But....
• "was initially observed on August 5." - why initially?

• Well, it was the first time, so you could say "initially"-12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• "Furthermore, two of those four strengthened into major hurricanes, Category 3 or higher on the modern-day Saffir–Simpson hurricane wind scale." - the sentence could be rejiggered. I'd say "which are a Category 3..." after "major hurricanes,", since that reads better.

• Fixed-12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• "The strongest cyclone of the season, Hurricane Three" - don't use "Hurricane Three" or anything. Use something less proper noun-ish.

• Better?-12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• "rough winds" doesn't seem appropriate

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• "south of Cape Verde on August 30. It was the first Cape Verde-type hurricane ever recorded" - I'd merge the latter sentence by adding "which was the first..."

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• "Later that day, the barque Warwak encountered the storm." - why is this important?

• I don't know :P--12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• " a minimum barometric pressure of 924 mbar (27.3 inHg) " - on what basis?

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• "It was the most intense storm in the Atlantic until the 1924 Cuba hurricane, a Category 5 hurricane with a minimum pressure of 910 mbar (27 inHg)." - this needs a better source

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• " though it is discounted because HURDAT records did not begin until the 1851 Atlantic hurricane season" - pipe 1851 to "the 1851 season."

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• "A few days later" - bad way to start a paragraph

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• "with its outer bands producing" - with... gerund format is improper. Do something like "and its outer rainbands produced..." or something

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• "which was centered about 1,000 miles (1,600 km) east of Hurricane Three's position" - again, don't use "Hurricane Three". That's not a proper name.

• Can I say like the "third hurricane"?--12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• "The brig Samuel and Edward encountered the hurricane on September 28 which had winds of 80 mph (130 km/h)" - the writing is ambiguous whether the ship or the hurricane had winds of 80 mph. Just rewrite to make clearer.

• Fixed--12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• "Additionally, ships reported a minimum barometric pressure of 965 mbar (28.5 inHg)." - where is this backed up by ref 1?

• The very end of the report on this hurricane says "Barometer: 29.40 inches". However, that would be only 995 mbar.--12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• "Strong winds were reported in Jacksonville, Florida and combined with tides, pushed water over wharfs and onto Bay Street. " - poorly written

• Better?--12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

• "due its weak nature" - the antecedent is technically "a report" from the previous sentence, so fix this.

• I'm not sure how--12george1 (talk) 23:36, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply

All in all, not too shabby. --♫ Hurricanehink (talk) 03:04, 11 May 2013 (UTC)Reply