Monique, Your classmates have covered quite a bit in their reviews that are really on point. The thing that I want to bring up is your intro paragraph: I think here you can lay out the relationship between video vixens, Jezebels, and Sarah Baartman so that you prepare your reader for what's coming in terms of content. Also make sure your content list is properly formatted in terms of capitalization. And lastly, you need a lot more sources. but very good start. --JustJess PhD (talk) 08:09, 6 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]
I think you might need to use more neutral language so your page doesn't have an opinion in itself but, instead, reflects the fact that these are the opinions of the people in your research. To balance things out I think it would also be good to include a section where you mention the way some video vixens do not think what they are doing is exploitative, even if you do not agree with their opinion. For example http://search.proquest.com.libdatabase.newpaltz.edu/pqrl/docview/1634425659/BEF1B3AED0E141CAPQ/2?accountid=12761 You might also include a list of some of the more famous "video vixens." I noticed you have the same citation listed as multiple citations. If you name the first citation when you make it by filling in the "ref name" line then you can click on the "named references" for subsequent references and it will fill it in automatically without duplicating. Finally, I think this page would benefit from images. I am still not clear on how to find images that aren't copyright infringement but this exists https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wikipedia:Finding_images_tutorial Great work so far! Aeafournier (talk) 21:14, 5 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]
I'm in agreement with Aeafournier on the use for more neutral language as well as cleaning up the reference list (something I need to figure out how to do as well, so I'm in the same boat!. Also, in regard to your references, just remember to make a reference section (same as how you've done the other headings) and place the code Reflist (with {{}} surrounding the word-if i put the code in, it won't show up in my comments!) underneath it, just so that the references you make don't just float after a section meant for a specific sub-topic. I think that the information you have so far is great, but maybe shift the jezebel section to come before talking about Sarah Baartman seeing as she would seem to be a specific example of that image? Really good work so far, I'm excited to see how this article turns out! Tyeargin92 (talk) 22:07, 5 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]
This is a great topic to tackle for this project. So far I think you made a great start. I think Andrea's suggestion about including opinions in a way that shows their from someone else, rather than it coming across that it's an opinion you're putting out there was on point. I'd also suggest that you take a look at Patricia Hill Collins' book Black Feminist Thought, there's a LOT of information in it that I think would be helpful for all of your sections. It was the text for a class I took a few semesters ago so I have a copy if you want to borrow it, or there's probably a copy at the library! Kayla523 (talk) 22:35, 5 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]
I LOVE THIS TOPIC! I think this is a great idea. However, as stated above, I would stay away from being too personally opinionated and go for more neutrality. Also, I think that the Sarah Baartman piece should come later on in your page, maybe putting jezebel first or the music video segment. Overall, awesome job so far! -Andrea S
Natasha- This is a really great topic !! I agree with Kayla you would find a lot of useful information from Patricia Hill Collins and Bell Hooks. There was also a book written by a video vixen I forgot the name of the book but it was a good book that might be helpful. Overall really love the topic.Tasha2015 (talk) 23:03, 5 March 2015 (UTC)[reply]
Really good start on your article and I’m super excited to see how it turns out! Clearly there’s a bunch more to be added (I’m guilty of this as well), but we can definitely both help each other out. The few suggestions I have so far are:
Tyeargin92 (talk) 21:39, 2 April 2015 (UTC)[reply]
