The Project Gutenberg EBook of Ivanoff, by Anton Checkov
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Title: Ivanoff
A Play
Author: Anton Checkov
Release Date: November 23, 2008 [EBook #1755]
Last Updated: November 26, 2012
Language: English
Character set encoding: ISO-8859-1
*** START OF THIS PROJECT GUTENBERG EBOOK IVANOFF ***
Produced by An Anonymous Volunteer, and David Widger
"Sparrow, Sparrow, where are you?
On the mountain drinking dew."
[A pause] Are your father and mother living, Doctor?
LVOFF. My mother is living; my father is dead.
ANNA. Do you miss your mother very much?
LVOFF. I am too busy to miss any one.
ANNA. [Laughing] The flowers return with every spring, but lost
happiness never returns. I wonder who taught me that? I think it was
Nicholas himself. [Listens] The owl is hooting again.
LVOFF. Well, let it hoot.
ANNA. I have begun to think, Doctor, that fate has cheated me. Other
people who, perhaps, are no better than I am are happy and have not had
to pay for their happiness. But I have paid for it all, every moment of
it, and such a price! Why should I have to pay so terribly? Dear friend,
you are all too considerate and gentle with me to tell me the truth; but
do you think I don't know what is the matter with me? I know perfectly
well. However, this isn't a pleasant subject—[With a Jewish
accent] "I beg your bardon!" Can you tell funny stories?
LVOFF. No, I can't.
ANNA. Nicholas can. I am beginning to be surprised, too, at the
injustice of people. Why do they return hatred for love, and answer
truth with lies? Can you tell me how much longer I shall be hated by my
mother and father? They live fifty miles away, and yet I can feel their
hatred day and night, even in my sleep. And how do you account for the
sadness of Nicholas? He says that he only dislikes me in the evening,
when the fit is on him. I understand that, and can tolerate it, but what
if he should come to dislike me altogether? Of course that is
impossible, and yet—no, no, I mustn't even imagine such a thing.
[Sings]
"Sparrow, Sparrow, where are you?"[She shudders] What fearful thoughts I have! You are not married, Doctor; there are many things that you cannot understand. LVOFF. You say you are surprised, but—but it is you who surprise me. Tell me, explain to me how you, an honest and intelligent woman, almost a saint, could allow yourself to be so basely deceived and dragged into this den of bears? Why are you here? What have you in common with such a cold and heartless—but enough of your husband! What have you in common with these wicked and vulgar surroundings? With that eternal grumbler, the crazy and decrepit Count? With that swindler, that prince of rascals, Misha, with his fool's face? Tell me, I say, how did you get here? ANNA. [laughing] That is what he used to say, long ago, oh, exactly! Only his eyes are larger than yours, and when he was excited they used to shine like coals—go on, go on! LVOFF. [Gets up and waves his hand] There is nothing more to say. Go into the house. ANNA. You say that Nicholas is not what he should be, that his faults are so and so. How can you possibly understand him? How can you learn to know any one in six months? He is a wonderful man, Doctor, and I am sorry you could not have known him as he was two or three years ago. He is depressed and silent now, and broods all day without doing anything, but he was splendid then. I fell in love with him at first sight. [Laughing] I gave one look and was caught like a mouse in a trap! So when he asked me to go with him I cut every tie that bound me to my old life as one snips the withered leaves from a plant. But things are different now. Now he goes to the Lebedieff's to amuse himself with other women, and I sit here in the garden and listen to the owls. [The WATCHMAN'S rattle is heard] Tell me, Doctor, have you any brothers and sisters? LVOFF. No. ANNA sobs. LVOFF. What is it? What is the matter? ANNA. I can't stand it, Doctor, I must go. LVOFF. Where? ANNA. To him. I am going. Have the horses harnessed. [She runs into the house.] LVOFF. No, I certainly cannot go on treating any one under these conditions. I not only have to do it for nothing, but I am forced to endure this agony of mind besides. No, no, I can't stand it. I have had enough of it. [He goes into the house.] The curtain falls.
* The game played is vint, the national card-game of Russia
and the direct ancestor of auction bridge, with which it is
almost identical. [translator's note]
AVDOTIA. [Interrupting him] No, I said one in no-trumps; you said two in
no-trumps——
KOSICH. This is unbearable! Allow me—you had—I had—you
had—[To LEBEDIEFF] But you shall decide it, Paul: I had the ace,
king, queen, and eight of diamonds——
LEBEDIEFF. [Puts his fingers into his ears] Stop, for heaven's sake,
stop!
AVDOTIA. [Yelling] I said no-trumps, and not he!
KOSICH. [Furiously] I'll be damned if I ever sit down to another game of
cards with that old cat!
He rushes into the garden. The SECOND GUEST follows him. GEORGE is left
alone at the table.
AVDOTIA. Whew! He makes my blood boil! Old cat, indeed! You're an old
cat yourself!
MARTHA. How angry you are, aunty!
AVDOTIA. [Sees MARTHA and claps her hands] Are you here, my darling? My
beauty! And was I blind as a bat, and didn't see you? Darling child!
[She kisses her and sits down beside her] How happy this makes me! Let
me feast my eyes on you, my milk-white swan! Oh, oh, you have bewitched
me!
LEBEDIEFF. Why don't you find her a husband instead of singing her
praises?
AVDOTIA. He shall be found. I shall not go to my grave before I have
found a husband for her, and one for Sasha too. I shall not go to my
grave—[She sighs] But where to find these husbands nowadays? There
sit some possible bridegrooms now, huddled together like a lot of
half-drowned rats!
THIRD GUEST. A most unfortunate comparison! It is my belief, ladies,
that if the young men of our day prefer to remain single, the fault lies
not with them, but with the existing, social conditions!
LEBEDIEFF. Come, enough of that! Don't give us any mo re philosophy; I
don't like it!
Enter SASHA. She goes up to her father.
SASHA. How can you endure the stuffy air of this room when the weather
is so beautiful?
ZINAIDA. My dear Sasha, don't you see that Martha is here?
SASHA. I beg your pardon.
[She goes up to MARTHA and shakes hands.]
MARTHA. Yes, here I am, my dear little Sasha, and proud to congratulate
you. [They kiss each other] Many happy returns of the day, dear!
SASHA. Thank you! [She goes and sits down by her father.]
LEBEDIEFF. As you were saying, Avdotia Nazarovna, husbands are hard to
find. I don't want to be rude, but I must say that the young men of the
present are a dull and poky lot, poor fellows! They can't dance or talk
or drink as they should do.
AVDOTIA. Oh, as far as drinking goes, they are all experts. Just give
them—give them——
LEBEDIEFF. Simply to drink is no art. A horse can drink. No, it must be
done in the right way. In my young days we used to sit and cudgel our
brains all day over our lessons, but as soon as evening came we would
fly off on some spree and keep it up till dawn. How we used to dance and
flirt, and drink, too! Or sometimes we would sit and chatter and discuss
everything under the sun until we almost wagged our tongues off. But now—[He
waves his hand] Boys are a puzzle to me. They are not willing either to
give a candle to God or a pitchfork to the devil! There is only one
young fellow in the country who is worth a penny, and he is married.
[Sighs] They say, too, that he is going crazy.
MARTHA. Who is he?
LEBEDIEFF. Nicholas Ivanoff.
MARTHA. Yes, he is a fine fellow, only [Makes a face] he is very
unhappy.
ZINAIDA. How could he be otherwise, poor boy! [She sighs] He made such a
bad mistake. When he married that Jewess of his he thought of course
that her parents would give away whole mountains of gold with her, but,
on the contrary, on the day she became a Christian they disowned her,
and Ivanoff has never seen a penny of the money. He has repented of his
folly now, but it is too late.
SASHA. Mother, that is not true!
MARTHA. How can you say it is not true, Sasha, when we all know it to be
a fact? Why did he have to marry a Jewess? He must have had some reason
for doing it. Are Russian girls so scarce? No, he made a mistake, poor
fellow, a sad mistake. [Excitedly] And what on earth can he do with her
now? Where could she go if he were to come home some day and say:﹃Your
parents have deceived me; leave my house at once!﹄Her parents wouldn't
take her back. She might find a place as a house-maid if she had ever
learned to work, which she hasn't. He worries and worries her now, but
the Count interferes. If it had not been for the Count, he would have
worried her to death long ago.
AVDOTIA. They say he shuts her up in a cellar and stuffs her with
garlic, and she eats and eats until her very soul reeks of it.
[Laughter.]
SASHA. But, father, you know that isn't true!
LEBEDIEFF. What if it isn't, Sasha? Let them spin yarns if it amuses
them. [He calls] Gabriel!
GABRIEL brings him another glass of vodka and a glass of water.
ZINAIDA. His misfortunes have almost ruined him, poor man. His affairs
are in a frightful condition. If Borkin did not take such good charge of
his estate he and his Jewess would soon be starving to death. [She
sighs] And what anxiety he has caused us! Heaven only knows how we have
suffered. Do you realise, my dear, that for three years he has owed us
nine thousand roubles?
MARTHA. [Horrified] Nine thousand!
ZINAIDA. Yes, that is the sum that my dear Paul has undertaken to lend
him. He never knows to whom it is safe to lend money and to whom it is
not. I don't worry about the principal, but he ought to pay the interest
on his debt.
SASHA. [Hotly] Mamma, you have already discussed this subject at least a
thousand times!
ZINAIDA. What difference does it make to you? Why should you interfere?
SASHA. What is this mania you all have for gossiping about a man who has
never done any of you any harm? Tell me, what harm has he done you?
THIRD GUEST. Let me say two words, Miss Sasha. I esteem Ivanoff, and
have always found him an honourable man, but, between ourselves, I also
consider him an adventurer.
SASHA. I congratulate you on your opinion!
THIRD GUEST. In proof of its truth, permit me to present to you the
following facts, as they were communicated to me by his secretary, or
shall I say rather, by his factotum, Borkin. Two years ago, at the time
of the cattle plague, he bought some cattle and had them insured—
ZINAIDA. Yes, I remember hearing' of that.
THIRD GUEST. He had them insured, as you understand, and then inoculated
them with the disease and claimed the insurance.
SASHA. Oh, what nonsense, nonsense, nonsense! No one bought or
inoculated any cattle! The story was invented by Borkin, who then went
about boasting of his clever plan. Ivanoff would not forgive Borkin for
two weeks after he heard of it. He is only guilty of a weak character
and too great faith in humanity. He can't make up his mind to get rid of
that Borkin, and so all his possessions have been tricked and stolen
from him. Every one who has had anything to do with Ivanoff has taken
advantage of his generosity to grow rich.
LEBEDIEFF. Sasha, you little firebrand, that will do!
SASHA. Why do you all talk like this? This eternal subject of Ivanoff,
Ivanoff, and always Ivanoff has grown insufferable, and yet you never
speak of anything else. [She goes toward the door, then stops and comes
back] I am surprised, [To the young men] and utterly astonished at your
patience, young men! How can you sit there like that? Aren't you bored?
Why, the very air is as dull as ditchwater! Do, for heaven's sake say
something; try to amuse the girls a little, move about! Or if you can't
talk of anything except Ivanoff, you might laugh or sing or dance——
LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing] That's right, Sasha! Give them a good scolding.
SASHA. Look here, will you do me a favour? If you refuse to dance or
sing or laugh, if all that is tedious, then let me beg you, implore you,
to summon all your powers, if only for this once, and make one witty or
clever remark. Let it be as impertinent and malicious as you like, so
long as it is funny and original. Won't you perform this miracle, just
once, to surprise us and make us laugh? Or else you might think of some
little thing which you could all do together, something to make you stir
about. Let the girls admire you for once in their lives! Listen to me! I
suppose you want them to like you? Then why don't try to make them do
it? Oh, dear! There is something wrong with you all! You are a lot of
sleepy stick-in-the-muds! I have told you so a thousand times and shall
always go on repeating it; there is something wrong with every one of
you; something wrong, wrong, wrong!
Enter IVANOFF and SHABELSKI through the door on the right.
SHABELSKI. Who is making a speech here? Is it you, Sasha? [He laughs and
shakes hands with her] Many happy returns of the day, my dear child. May
you live as long as possible in this life, but never be born again!
ZINAIDA. [Joyfully] My dear Count!
LEBEDIEFF. Who can this be? Not you, Count?
SHABELSKI. [Sees ZINAIDA and MARTHA sitting side by side] Two gold mines
side by side! What a pleasant picture it makes! [He shakes hands with
ZINAIDA] Good evening, Zuzu! [Shakes hands with MARTHA] Good evening,
Birdie!
ZINAIDA. I am charmed to see you, Count. You are a rare visitor here
now. [Calls] Gabriel, bring some tea! Please sit down.
She gets up and goes to the door and back, evidently much preoccupied.
SASHA sits down in her former place. IVANOFF silently shakes hands with
every one.
LEBEDIEFF. [To SHABELSKI] What miracle has brought you here? You have
given us a great surprise. Why, Count, you're a rascal, you haven't been
treating us right at all. [Leads him forward by the hand] Tell me, why
don't you ever come to see us now? Are you offended?
SHABELSKI. How can I get here to see you? Astride a broomstick? I have
no horses of my own, and Nicholas won't take me with him when he goes
out. He says I must stay at home to amuse Sarah. Send your horses for me
and I shall come with pleasure.
LEBE DIEFF. [With a wave of the hand] Oh, that is easy to say! But Zuzu
would rather have a fit than lend the horses to any one. My dear, dear
old friend, you are more to me than any one I know! You and I are
survivors of those good old days that are gone forever, and you alone
bring back to my mind the love and longings of my lost youth. Of course
I am only joking, and yet, do you know, I am almost in tears?
SHABELSKI. Stop, stop! You smell like the air of a wine cellar.
LEBEDIEFF. Dear friend, you cannot imagine how lonely I am without my
old companions! I could hang myself! [Whispers] Zuzu has frightened all
the decent men away with her stingy ways, and now we have only this
riff-raff, as you see: Tom, Dick, and Harry. However, drink your tea.
ZINAIDA. [Anxiously, to GABRIEL] Don't bring it in like that! Go fetch
some jam to eat with it!
SHABELSKI. [Laughing loudly, to IVANOFF] Didn't I tell you so? [To
LEBEDIEFF] I bet him driving over, that as soon as we arrived Zuzu would
want to feed us with jam!
ZINAIDA. Still joking, Count! [She sits down.]
LEBEDIEFF. She made twenty jars of it this year, and how else do you
expect her to get rid of it?
SHABELSKI. [Sits down near the table] Are you still adding to the hoard,
Zuzu? You will soon have a million, eh?
ZINAIDA. [Sighing] I know it seems as if no one could be richer than we,
but where do they think the money comes from? It is all gossip.
SHABELSKI. Oh, yes, we all know that! We know how badly you play your
cards! Tell me, Paul, honestly, have you saved up a million yet?
LEBEDIEFF. I don't know. Ask Zuzu.
SHABELSKI. [To MARTHA] And my plump little Birdie here will soon have a
million too! She is getting prettier and plumper not only every day, but
every hour. That means she has a nice little fortune.
MARTHA. Thank you very much, your highness, but I don't like such jokes.
SHABELSKI. My dear little gold mine, do you call that a joke? It was a
wail of the soul, a cry from the heart, that burst through my lips. My
love for you and Zuzu is immense. [Gaily] Oh, rapture! Oh, bliss! I
cannot look at you two without a madly beating heart!
ZINAIDA. You are still the same, Count. [To GEORGE] Put out the candles
please, George. [GEORGE gives a start. He puts out the candles and sits
down again] How is your wife, Nicholas?
IVANOFF. She is very ill. The doctor said to-day that she certainly had
consumption.
ZINAIDA. Really? Oh, how sad! [She sighs] And we are all so fond of her!
SHABELSKI. What trash you all talk! That story was invented by that sham
doctor, and is nothing but a trick of his. He wants to masquerade as an
Aesculapius, and so has started this consumption theory. Fortunately her
husband isn't jealous. [IVANOFF makes an inpatient gesture] As for
Sarah, I wouldn't trust a word or an action of hers. I have made a point
all my life of mistrusting all doctors, lawyers, and women. They are
shammers and deceivers.
LEBEDIEFF. [To SHABELSKI] You are an extraordinary person, Matthew! You
have mounted this misanthropic hobby of yours, and you ride it through
thick and thin like a lunatic You are a man like any other, and yet,
from the way you talk one would imagine that you had the pip, or a cold
in the head.
SHABELSKI. Would you have me go about kissing every rascal and scoundrel
I meet?
LEBEDIEFF. Where do you find all these rascals and scoundrels?
SHABELSKI. Of course I am not talking of any one here present,
nevertheless——-
LEBEDIEFF. There you are again with your "nevertheless." All this is
simply a fancy of yours.
SHABELSKI. A fancy? It is lucky for you that you have no knowledge of
the world!
LEBEDIEFF. My knowledge of the world is this: I must sit here prepared
at any moment to have death come knocking at the door. That is my
knowledge of the world. At our age, brother, you and I can't afford to
worry about knowledge of the world. So then—[He calls] Oh,
Gabriel!
SHABELSKI. You have had quite enough already. Look at your nose.
LEBEDIEFF. No matter, old boy. I am not going to be married to-day.
ZINAIDA. Doctor Lvoff has not been here for a long time. He seems to
have forgotten us.
SASHA. That man is one of my aversions. I can't stand his icy sense of
honour. He can't ask for a glass of water or smoke a cigarette without
making a display of his remarkable honesty. Walking and talking, it is
written on his brow: "I am an honest man." He is a great bore.
SHABELSKI. He is a narrow-minded, conceited medico. [Angrily] He shrieks
like a parrot at every step: "Make way for honest endeavour!" and thinks
himself another St. Francis. Everybody is a rascal who doesn't make as
much noise as he does. As for his penetration, it is simply remarkable!
If a peasant is well off and lives decently, he sees at once that he
must be a thief and a scoundrel. If I wear a velvet coat and am dressed
by my valet, I am a rascal and the valet is my slave. There is no place
in this world for a man like him. I am actually afraid of him. Yes,
indeed, he is likely, out of a sense of duty, to insult a man at any
moment and to call him a knave.
IVANOFF. I am dreadfully tired of him, but I can't help liking him, too,
he is so sincere.
SHABELSKI. Oh, yes, his sincerity is beautiful! He came up to me
yesterday evening and remarked absolutely apropos of nothing:﹃Count, I
have a deep aversion to you!﹄It isn't as if he said such things simply,
but they are extremely pointed. His voice trembles, his eyes flash, his
veins swell. Confound his infernal honesty! Supposing I am disgusting
and odious to him? What is more natural? I know that I am, but I don't
like to be told so to my face. I am a worthless old man, but he might
have the decency to respect my grey hairs. Oh, what stupid, heartless
honesty!
LEBEDIEFF. Come, come, you have been young yourself, and should make
allowances for him.
SHABELSKI. Yes, I have been young and reckless; I have played the fool
in my day and have seen plenty of knaves and scamps, but I have never
called a thief a thief to his face, or talked of ropes in the house of a
man who had been hung. I knew how to behave, but this idiotic doctor of
yours would think himself in the seventh heaven of happiness if fate
would allow him to pull my nose in public in the name of morality and
human ideals.
LEBEDIEFF. Young men are all stubborn and restive. I had an uncle once
who thought himself a philosopher. He would fill his house with guests,
and after he had had a drink he would get up on a chair, like this, and
begin:﹃You ignoramuses! You powers of darkness! This is the dawn of a
new life!﹄And so on and so on; he would preach and preach——
SASHA. And the guests?
LEBEDIEFF. They would just sit and listen and go on drinking. Once,
though, I challenged him to a duel, challenged my own uncle! It came out
of a discussion about Sir Francis Bacon. I was sitting, I remember,
where Matthew is, and my uncle and the late Gerasim Nilitch were
standing over there, about where Nicholas is now. Well, Gerasim Nilitch
propounded this question——
Enter BORKIN. He is dressed like a dandy and carries a parcel under his
arm. He comes in singing and skipping through the door on the right. A
murmur of approval is heard.
THE GIRLS. Oh, Michael Borkin!
LEBEDIEFF. Hallo, Misha!
SHABELSKI. The soul of the company!
BORKIN. Here we are! [He runs up to SASHA] Most noble Signorina, let me
be so bold as to wish to the whole world many happy returns of the
birthday of such an exquisite flower as you! As a token of my enthusiasm
let me presume to present you with these fireworks and this Bengal fire
of my own manufacture. [He hands her the parcel] May they illuminate the
night as brightly as you illuminate the shadows of this dark world. [He
spreads them out theatrically before her.]
SASHA. Thank you.
LEBEDIEFF. [Laughing loudly, to IVANOFF] Why don't you send this Judas
packing?
BORKIN. [To LEBEDIEFF] My compliments to you, sir. [To IVANOFF] How are
you, my patron? [Sings] Nicholas voila, hey ho hey! [He greets everybody
in turn] Most highly honoured Zinaida! Oh, glorious Martha! Most ancient
Avdotia! Noblest of Counts!
SHABELSKI. [Laughing] The life of the company! The moment he comes in
the air fe els livelier. Have you noticed it?
BORKIN. Whew! I am tired! I believe I have shaken hands with everybody.
Well, ladies and gentlemen, haven't you some little tidbit to tell me;
something spicy? [Speaking quickly to ZINAIDA] Oh, aunty! I have
something to tell you. As I was on my way here—[To GABRIEL] Some
tea, please Gabriel, but without jam—as I was on my way here I saw
some peasants down on the river-bank pulling the bark off the trees. Why
don't you lease that meadow?
LEBEDIEFF. [To IVANOFF] Why don't you send that Judas away?
ZINAIDA. [Startled] Why, that is quite true! I never thought of it.
BORKIN. [Swinging his arms] I can't sit still! What tricks shall we be
up to next, aunty? I am all on edge, Martha, absolutely exalted. [He
sings]
"Once more I stand before thee!"ZINAIDA. Think of something to amuse us, Misha, we are all bored. BORKIN. Yes, you look so. What is the matter with you all? Why are you sitting there as solemn as a jury? Come, let us play something; what shall it be? Forfeits? Hide-and-seek? Tag? Shall we dance, or have the fireworks? THE GIRLS. [Clapping their hands] The fireworks! The fireworks! [They run into the garden.] SASHA. [ To IVANOFF] What makes you so depressed today? IVANOFF. My head aches, little Sasha, and then I feel bored. SASHA. Come into the sitting-room with me. They go out through the door on the right. All the guests go into the garden and ZINAIDA and LEBEDIEFF are left alone. ZINAIDA. That is what I like to see! A young man like Misha comes into the room and in a minute he has everybody laughing. [She puts out the large lamp] There is no reason the candles should burn for nothing so long as they are all in the garden. [She blows out the candles.] LEBEDIEFF. [Following her] We really ought to give our guests something to eat, Zuzu! ZINAIDA. What crowds of candles; no wonder we are thought rich. LEBEDIEFF. [Still following her] Do let them have something to eat, Zuzu; they are young and must be hungry by now, poor things—Zuzu! ZINAIDA. The Count did not finish his tea, and all that sugar has been wasted. [Goes out through the door on the left.] LEBEDIEFF. Bah! [Goes out into the garden.] Enter IVANOFF and SASHA through the door on the right. IVANOFF. This is how it is, Sasha: I used to work hard and think hard, and never tire; now, I neither do anything nor think anything, and I am weary, body and soul. I feel I am terribly to blame, my conscience leaves me no peace day or night, and yet I can't see clearly exactly what my mistakes are. And now comes my wife's illness, our poverty, this eternal backbiting, gossiping, chattering, that foolish Borkin—My home has become unendurable to me, and to live there is worse than torture. Frankly, Sasha, the presence of my wife, who loves me, has become unbearable. You are an old friend, little Sasha, you will not be angry with me for speaking so openly. I came to you to be cheered, but I am bored here too, something urges me home again. Forgive me, I shall slip away at once. SASHA. I can understand your trouble, Nicholas. You are unhappy because you are lonely. You need some one at your side whom you can love, someone who understands you. IVANOFF. What an idea, Sasha! Fancy a crusty old badger like myself starting a love affair! Heaven preserve me from such misfortune! No, my little sage, this is not a case for romance. The fact is, I can endure all I have to suffer: sadness, sickness of mind, ruin, the loss of my wife, and my lonely, broken old age, but I cannot, I will not, endure the contempt I have for myself! I am nearly killed by shame when I think that a strong, healthy man like myself has become—oh, heaven only knows what—by no means a Manfred or a Hamlet! There are some unfortunates who feel flattered when people call them Hamlets and cynics, but to me it is an insult. It wounds my pride and I am tortured by shame and suffer agony. SASHA. [Laughing through her tears] Nicholas, let us run away to America together! IVANOFF. I haven't the energy to take such a step as that, and besides, in America you—[They go toward the door into the garden] As a matter of fact, Sasha, this is not a good place for you to live. When I look about at the men who surround you I am terrified for you; whom is there you could marry? Your only chance will be if some passing lieutenant or student steals your heart and carries you away. Enter ZINAIDA through the door on the right with a jar of jam. IVANOFF. Excuse me, Sasha, I shall join you in a minute. SASHA goes out into the garden. IVANOFF. [To ZINAIDA] Zinaida, may I ask you a favour? ZINAIDA. What is it? IVANOFF. The fact is, you know, that the interest on my note is due day after to-morrow, but I should be more than obliged to you if you will let me postpone the payment of it, or would let me add the interest to the capital. I simply cannot pay it now; I haven't the money. ZINAIDA. Oh, Ivanoff, how could I do such a thing? Would it be business-like? No, no, don't ask it, don't torment an unfortunate old woman. IVANOFF. I beg your pardon. [He goes out into the garden.] ZINAIDA. Oh, dear! Oh, dear! What a fright he gave me! I am trembling all over. [Goes out through the door on the right.] Enter KOSICH through the door on the left. He walks across the stage. KOSICH. I had the ace, king, queen, and eight of diamonds, the ace of spades, and one, just one little heart, and she—may the foul fiend fly away with her,—she couldn't make a little slam! Goes out through the door on the right. Enter from the garden AVDOTIA and FIRST GUEST. AVDOTIA. Oh, how I should like to get my claws into her, the miserable old miser! How I should like it! Does she think it a joke to leave us sitting here since five o'clock without even offering us a crust to eat? What a house! What management! FIRST GUEST. I am so bored that I feel like beating my head against the wall. Lord, what a queer lot of people! I shall soon be howling like a wolf and snapping at them from hunger and weariness. AVDOTIA. How I should like to get my claws into her, the old sinner! FIRST GUEST. I shall get a drink, old lady, and then home I go! I won't have anything to do with these belles of yours. How the devil can a man think of love who hasn't had a drop to drink since dinner? AVDOTIA. Come on, we will go and find something. FIRST GUEST. Sh! Softly! I think the brandy is in the sideboard in the dining-room. We will find George! Sh! They go out through the door on the left. Enter ANNA and LVOFF through the door on the right. ANNA. No, they will be glad to see us. Is no one here? Then they must be in the garden. LVOFF. I should like to know why you have brought me into this den of wolves. This is no place for you and me; honourable people should not be subjected to such influences as these. ANNA. Listen to me, Mr. Honourable Man. When you are escorting a lady it is very bad manners to talk to her the whole way about nothing but your own honesty. Such behaviour may be perfectly honest, but it is also tedious, to say the least. Never tell a woman how good you are; let her find it out herself. My Nicholas used only to sing and tell stories when he was young as you are, and yet every woman knew at once what kind of a man he was. LVOFF. Don't talk to me of your Nicholas; I know all about him! ANNA. You are a very worthy man, but you don't know anything at all. Come into the garden. He never said:﹃I am an honest man; these surroundings are too narrow for me.﹄He never spoke of wolves' dens, called people bears or vultures. He left the animal kingdom alone, and the most I have ever heard him say when he was excited was:﹃Oh, how unjust I have been to-day!﹄or "Annie, I am sorry for that man." That's what he would say, but you— ANNA and LVOFF go out. Enter AVDOTIA and FIRST GUEST through the door on the left. FIRST GUEST. There isn't any in the dining-room, so it must be somewhere in the pantry. We must find George. Come this way, through the sitting-room. AVDOTIA. Oh, how I should like to get my claws into her! They go out through the door on the right. MARTHA and BORKIN run in laughing from the garden. SHABELSK I comes mincing behind them, laughing and rubbing his hands. MARTHA. Oh, I am so bored! [Laughs loudly] This is deadly! Every one looks as if he had swallowed a poker. I am frozen to the marrow by this icy dullness. [She skips about] Let us do something! BORKIN catches her by the waist and kisses her cheek. SHABELSKI. [Laughing and snapping his fingers] Well, I'll be hanged! [Cackling] Really, you know! MARTHA. Let go! Let go, you wretch! What will the Count think? Stop, I say! BORKIN. Angel! Jewel! Lend me twenty-three hundred roubles. MARTHA. Most certainly not! Do what you please, but I'll thank you to leave my money alone. No, no, no! Oh, let go, will you? SHABELSKI. [Mincing around them] The little birdie has its charms! [Seriously] Come, that will do! BORKIN. Let us come to the point, and consider my proposition frankly as a business arrangement. Answer me honestly, without tricks and equivocations, do you agree to do it or not? Listen to me; [Pointing to Shabelski] he needs money to the amount of at least three thousand a year; you need a husband. Do you want to be a Countess? SHABELSKI. [Laughing loudly] Oh, the cynic! BORKIN. Do you want to be a Countess or not? MARTHA. [Excitedly] Wait a minute; really, Misha, these things aren't done in a second like this. If the Count wants to marry me, let him ask me himself, and—and—I don't see, I don't understand—all this is so sudden—— BORKIN. Come, don't let us beat about the bush; this is a business arrangement. Do you agree or not? SHABELSKI. [Chuckling and rubbing his hands] Supposing I do marry her, eh? Hang it, why shouldn't I play her this shabby trick? What do you say, little puss? [He kisses her cheek] Dearest chick-a-biddy! MARTHA. Stop! Stop! I hardly know what I am doing. Go away! No—don't go! BORKIN. Answer at once: is it yes or no? We can't stand here forever. MARTHA. Look here, Count, come and visit me for three or four days. It is gay at my house, not like this place. Come to-morrow. [To BORKIN] Or is this all a joke? BORKIN. [Angrily] How could I joke on such a serious subject? MARTHA. Wait! Stop! Oh, I feel faint! A Countess! I am fainting, I am falling! BORKIN and SHABELSKI laugh and catch her by the arms. They kiss her cheeks and lead her out through the door on the right. IVANOFF and SASHA run in from the garden. IVANOFF. [Desperately clutching his head] It can't be true! Don't Sasha, don't! Oh, I implore you not to! SASHA. I love you madly. Without you my life can have no meaning, no happiness, no hope. IVANOFF. Why, why do you say that? What do you mean? Little Sasha, don't say it! SASHA. You were the only joy of my childhood; I loved you body and soul then, as myself, but now—Oh, I love you, Nicholas! Take me with you to the ends of the earth, wherever you wish; but for heaven's sake let us go at once, or I shall die. IVANOFF. [Shaking with wild laughter] What is this? Is it the beginning for me of a new life? Is it, Sasha? Oh, my happiness, my joy! [He draws her to him] My freshness, my youth! Enter ANNA from the garden. She sees her husband and SASHA, and stops as if petrified. IVANOFF. Oh, then I shall live once more? And work? IVANOFF and SASHA kiss each other. After the kiss they look around and see ANNA. IVANOFF. [With horror] Sarah! The curtain falls.
"Doctor, doctor, save, oh, save me,
I am scared to death of dying!"
LVOFF. Hasn't Ivanoff come home yet?
LEBEDIEFF. Not yet. I have been waiting for him myself for over an hour.
LVOFF walks impatiently up and down.
LEBEDIEFF. How is Anna to-day?
LVOFF. Very ill.
LEBEDIEFF. [Sighing] May one go and pay one's respects to her?
LVOFF. No, please don't. She is asleep, I believe.
LEBEDIEFF. She is a lovely, charming woman. [Sighing] The day she
fainted at our house, on Sasha's birthday, I saw that she had not much
longer to live, poor thing. Let me see, why did she faint? When I ran
up, she was lying on the floor, ashy white, with Nicholas on his knees
beside her, and Sasha was standing by them in tears. Sasha and I went
about almost crazy for a week after that.
SHABELSKI. [To LVOFF] Tell me, most honoured disciple of science, what
scholar discovered that the frequent visits of a young doctor were
beneficial to ladies suffering from affections of the chest? It is a
remarkable discovery, remarkable! Would you call such treatment
Allopathic or Homeopathic?
LVOFF tries to answer, but makes an impatient gesture instead, and walks
out of the room.
SHABELSKI. What a withering look he gave me!
LEBEDIEFF. Some fiend must prompt you to say such things! Why did you
offend him?
SHABELSKI. [Angrily] Why does he tell such lies? Consumption! No hope!
She is dying! It is nonsense, I can't abide him!
LEBEDIEFF. What makes you think he is lying?
SHABELSKI. [Gets up and walks up and down] I can't bear to think that a
living person could die like that, suddenly, without any reason at all.
Don't let us talk about it!
KOSICH runs in panting.
KOSICH. Is Ivanoff at home? How do you do? [He shakes hands quickly all
round] Is he at home?
BORKIN. No, he isn't.
KOSICH. [Sits down and jumps up again] In that case I must say goodbye;
I must be going. Business, you know. I am absolutely exhausted; run off
my feet!
LEBEDIEFF. Where did you blow in from?
KOSICH. From Barabanoff's. He and I have been playing cards all night;
we have only just stopped. I have been absolutely fleeced; that
Barabanoff is a demon at cards. [In a tearful voice] Just listen to
this: I had a heart and he [He turns to BORKIN, who jumps away from him]
led a diamond, and I led a heart, and he led another diamond. Well, he
didn't take the trick. [To LEBEDIEFF] We were playing three in clubs. I
had the ace and queen, and the ace and ten of spades—
LEBEDIEFF. [Stopping up his ears] Spare me, for heaven's sake, spare me!
KOSICH. [To SHABELSKI] Do you understand? I had the ace and queen of
clubs, the ace and ten of spades.
SHABELSKI. [Pushes him away] Go away, I don't want to listen to you!
KOSICH. When suddenly misfortune overtook me. My ace of spades took the
first trick—
SHABELSKI. [Snatching up a revolver] Leave the room, or I shall shoot!
KOSICH. [Waving his hands] What does this mean? Is this the Australian
bush, where no one has any interests in common? Where there is no public
spirit, and each man lives for himself alone? However, I must be off. My
time is precious. [He shakes hands with LEBEDIEFF] Pass!
General laughter. KOSICH goes out. In the doorway he runs into AVDOTIA.
AVDOTIA. [Shrieks] Bad luck to you, you nearly knocked me down.
ALL. Oh, she is always everywhere at once!
AVDOTIA. So this is where you all are? I have been looking for you all
over the house. Good-day to you, boys!
[She shakes hands with everybody.]
LEBEDIEFF. What brings you here?
AVDOTIA. Business, my son. [To SHABELSKI] Business connected with your
highness. She commanded me to bow. [She bows] And to inquire after your
health. She told me to say, the little birdie, that if you did not come
to see her this evening she would cry her eyes out. Take him aside, she
said, and whisper in his ear. But why should I make a secret of her
message? We are not stealing chickens, but arranging an affair of lawful
love by mutual consent of both parties. And now, although I never drink,
I shall take a drop under these circumstances.
LEBEDIEFF. So shall I. [He pours out the vodka] You must be immortal,
you old magpie! You were an old woman when I first knew you, thirty
years ago.
AVDOTIA. I have lost count of the years. I have buried three husbands,
and would have married a fourth if any one had wanted a woman without a
dowry. I have had eight children. [She takes up the glass] Well, we have
begun a good work, may it come to a good end! They will live happily
ever after, and we shall enjoy their happiness. Love and good luck to
them both! [She drinks] This is strong vodka!
SHABELSKI. [laughing loudly, to LEBEDIEFF] The funny thing is, they
actually think I am in earnest. How strange! [He gets up] And yet, Paul,
why shouldn't I play her this shabby trick? Just out of spite? To give
the devil something to do, eh, Paul?
LEBEDIEFF. You are talking nonsense, Count. You and I must fix our
thoughts on dying now; we have left Martha's money far behind us; our
day is over.
SHABELSKI. No, I shall certainly marry her; upon my word, I shall!
Enter IVANOFF and LVOFF.
LVOFF. Will you please spare me five minutes of your time?
LEBEDIEFF. Hallo, Nicholas! [He goes to meet IVANOFF] How are you, old
friend? I have been waiting an hour for you.
AVDOTIA. [Bows] How do you do, my son?
IVANOFF. [Bitterly] So you have turned my library into a bar-room again,
have you? And yet I have begged you all a thousand times not to do so!
[He goes up to the table] There, you see, you have spilt vodka all over
my papers and scattered crumbs and cucumbers everywhere! It is
disgusting!
LEBEDIEFF. I beg your pardon, Nicholas. Please forgive me. I have
something very important to speak to you about.
BORKIN. So have I.
LVOFF. May I have a word with you?
IVANOFF. [Pointing to LEBEDIEFF] He wants to speak to me; wait a minute.
[To LEBEDIEFF] Well, what is it?
LEBEDIEFF. [To the others] Excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I want to
speak to him in private.
SHABELSKI goes out, followed by AVDOTIA, BORKIN, and LVOFF.
IVANOFF. Paul, you may drink yourself as much as you choose, it is your
weakness, but I must ask you not to make my uncle tipsy. He never used
to drink at all; it is bad for him.
LEBEDIEFF. [Startled] My dear boy, I didn't know that! I wasn't thinking
of him at all.
IVANOFF. If this old baby should die on my hands the blame would be
mine, not yours. Now, what do you want? [A pause.]
LEBEDIEFF. The fact is, Nicholas—I really don't know how I can put
it to make it seem less brutal—Nicholas, I am ashamed of myself, I
am blushing, my tongue sticks to the roof of my mouth. My dear boy, put
yourself in my place; remember that I am not a free man, I am as putty
in the hands of my wife, a slave—forgive me!
IVANOFF. What does this mean?
LEBEDIEFF. My wife has sent me to you; do me a favour, be a friend to
me, pay her the interest on the money you owe her. Believe me, she has
been tormenting me and going for me tooth and nail. For heaven's sake,
free yourself from her clutches!
IVANOFF. You know, Paul, that I have no money now.
LEBEDIEFF. I know, I know, but what can I do? She won't wait. If she
should sue you for the money, how could Sasha and I ever look you in the
face again?
IVANOFF. I am ready to sink through the floor with shame, Paul, but
where, where shall I get the money? Tell me, where? There is nothing I
can do but to wait until I sell my wheat in the autumn.
LEBEDIEFF. [Shrieks] But she won't wait! [A pause.]
IVANOFF. Your position is very delicate and unpleasant, but mine is even
worse. [He walks up and down in deep thought] I am at my wit's end,
there is nothing I can sell now.
LEBEDIEFF. You might go to Mulbach and get some money from him; doesn't
he owe you sixty thousand roubles?
IVANOFF makes a despairing gesture.
LEBEDIEFF. Listen to me, Nicholas, I know you will be angry, but you
must forgive an old drunkard like me. This is between friends; remember
I am your friend. We were students together, both Liberals; we had the
same interests and ideals; we studied together at the University of
Moscow. It is our Alma Mater. [He takes out his purse] I have a private
fund here; not a soul at home knows of its existence. Let me lend it to
you. [He takes out the money and lays it on the table] Forget your
pride; this is between friends! I should take it from you, indeed I
should! [A pause] There is the money, one hundred thousand roubles. Take
it; go to her y ourself and say:﹃Take the money, Zinaida, and may you
choke on it.﹄Only, for heaven's sake, don't let her see by your manner
that you got it from me, or she would certainly go for me, with her old
jam! [He looks intently into IVANOFF'S face] There, there, no matter.
[He quickly takes up the money and stuffs it back into his pocket] Don't
take it, I was only joking. Forgive me! Are you hurt?
IVANOFF waves his hand.
LEBEDIEFF. Yes, the truth is—[He sighs] This is a time of sorrow
and pain for you. A man, brother, is like a samovar; he cannot always
stand coolly on a shelf; hot coals will be dropped into him some day,
and then—fizz! The comparison is idiotic, but it is the best I can
think of. [Sighing] Misfortunes wring the soul, and yet I am not worried
about you, brother. Wheat goes through the mill, and comes out as flour,
and you will come safely through your troubles; but I am annoyed,
Nicholas, and angry with the people around you. The whole countryside is
buzzing with gossip; where does it all start? They say you will be soon
arrested for your debts, that you are a bloodthirsty murderer, a monster
of cruelty, a robber.
IVANOFF. All that is nothing to me; my head is aching.
LEBEDIEFF. Because you think so much.
IVANOFF. I never think.
LEBEDIEFF. Come, Nicholas, snap your fingers at the whole thing, and
drive over to visit us. Sasha loves and understands you. She is a sweet,
honest, lovely girl; too good to be the child of her mother and me!
Sometimes, when I look at her, I cannot believe that such a treasure
could belong to a fat old drunkard like me. Go to her, talk to her, and
let her cheer you. She is a good, true-hearted girl.
IVANOFF. Paul, my dear friend, please go, and leave me alone.
LEBEDIEFF. I understand, I understand! [He glances at his watch] Yes, I
understand. [He kisses IVANOFF] Good-bye, I must go to the blessing of
the school now. [He goes as far as the door, then stops] She is so
clever! Sasha and I were talking about gossiping yesterday, and she
flashed out this epigram: "Father," she said,﹃fire-flies shine at night
so that the night-birds may make them their prey, and good people are
made to be preyed upon by gossips and slanderers.﹄What do you think of
that? She is a genius, another George Sand!
IVANOFF. [Stopping him as he goes out] Paul, what is the matter with me?
LEBEDIEFF. I have wanted to ask you that myself, but I must confess I
was ashamed to. I don't know, old chap. Sometimes I think your troubles
have been too heavy for you, and yet I know you are not the kind to give
in to them; you would not be overcome by misfortune. It must be
something else, Nicholas, but what it may be I can't imagine.
IVANOFF. I can't imagine either what the matter is, unless—and yet
no—[A pause] Well, do you see, this is what I wanted to say. I
used to have a workman called Simon, you remember him. Once, at
threshing-time, to show the girls how strong he was, he loaded himself
with two sacks of rye, and broke his back. He died soon after. I think I
have broken my back also. First I went to school, then to the
university, then came the cares of this estate, all my plans—I did
not believe what others did; did not marry as others did; I worked
passionately, risked everything; no one else, as you know, threw their
money away to right and left as I did. So I heaped the burdens on my
back, and it broke. We are all heroes at twenty, ready to attack
anything, to do everything, and at thirty are worn-out, useless men.
How, oh, how do you account for this weariness? However, I may be quite
wrong; go away, Paul, I am boring you.
LEBEDIEFF. I know what is the matter with you, old man: you got out of
bed on the wrong side this morning.
IVANOFF. That is stupid, Paul, and stale. Go away!
LEBEDIEFF. It is stupid, certainly. I see that myself now. I am going at
once. [LEBEDIEFF goes out.]
IVANOFF. [Alone] I am a worthless, miserable, useless man. Only a man
equally miserable and suffering, as Paul is, could love or esteem me
now. Good God! How I loathe myself! How bitterly I hate my voice, my
hands, my thoughts, these clothes, each step I take! How ridiculous it
is, how disgusting! Less than a year ago I was healthy and strong, full
of pride and energy and enthusiasm. I worked with these hands here, and
my words could move the dullest man to tears. I could weep with sorrow,
and grow indignant at the sight of wrong. I could feel the glow of
inspiration, and understand the beauty and romance of the silent nights
which I used to watch through from evening until dawn, sitting at my
worktable, and giving up my soul to dreams. I believed in a bright
future then, and looked into it as trustfully as a child looks into its
mother's eyes. And now, oh, it is terrible! I am tired and without hope;
I spend my days and nights in idleness; I have no control over my feet
or brain. My estate is ruined, my woods are falling under the blows of
the axe. [He weeps] My neglected land looks up at me as reproachfully as
an orphan. I expect nothing, am sorry for nothing; my whole soul
trembles at the thought of each new day. And what can I think of my
treatment of Sarah? I promised her love and happiness forever; I opened
her eyes to the promise of a future such as she had never even dreamed
of. She believed me, and though for five years I have seen her sinking
under the weight of her sacrifices to me, and losing her strength in her
struggles with her conscience, God knows she has never given me one
angry look, or uttered one word of reproach. What is the result? That I
don't love her! Why? Is it possible? Can it be true? I can't understand.
She is suffering; her days are numbered; yet I fly like a contemptible
coward from her white face, her sunken chest, her pleading eyes. Oh, I
am ashamed, ashamed! [A pause] Sasha, a young girl, is sorry for me in
my misery. She confesses to me that she loves me; me, almost an old man!
Whereupon I lose my head, and exalted as if by music, I yell:﹃Hurrah
for a new life and new happiness!﹄Next day I believe in this new life
and happiness as little as I believe in my happiness at home. What is
the matter with me? What is this pit I am wallowing in? What is the
cause of this weakness? What does this nervousness come from? If my sick
wife wounds my pride, if a servant makes a mistake, if my gun misses
fire, I lose my temper and get violent and altogether unlike myself. I
can't, I can't understand it; the easiest way out would be a bullet
through the head!
Enter LVOFF.
LVOFF. I must have an explanation with you, Ivanoff.
IVANOFF. If we are going to have an explanation every day, doctor, we
shall neither of us have the strength to stand it.
LVOFF. Will you be good enough to hear me?
IVANOFF. I have heard all you have told me every day, and have failed to
discover yet what you want me to do.
LVOFF. I have always spoken plainly enough, and only an utterly
heartless and cruel man could fail to understand me.
IVANOFF. I know that my wife is dying; I know that I have sinned
irreparably; I know that you are an honest man. What more can you tell
me?
LVOFF. The sight of human cruelty maddens me. The woman is dying and she
has a mother and father whom she loves, and longs to see once more
before she dies. They know that she is dying and that she loves them
still, but with diabolical cruelty, as if to flaunt their religious
zeal, they refuse to see her and forgive her. You are the man for whom
she has sacrificed her home, her peace of mind, everything. Yet you
unblushingly go gadding to the Lebedieffs' every evening, for reasons
that are absolutely unmistakable!
IVANOFF. Ah me, it is two weeks since I was there!
LVOFF. [Not listening to him] To men like yourself one must speak
plainly, and if you don't want to hear what I have to say, you need not
listen. I always call a spade a spade; the truth is, you want her to die
so that the way may be cleared for your other schemes. Be it so; but
can't you wait? If, instead of crushing the life out of your wife by
your heartless egoism, you let her die naturally, do you think you would
lose Sasha and Sasha's money? Such an absolute Tartuffe as you are could
turn the girl's head and get her money a year from now as easily as you
can to-day. Why are you in such a hurry? Why do you want your wife to
die now, instead of in a month's time, or a year's?
IVANOFF. This is torture! You are a very bad doctor if you think a man
can control himself forever. It is all I can do not to answer your
insults.
LVOFF. Look here, whom are you trying to deceive? Throw off this
disguise!
IVANOFF. You who are so clever, you think that nothing in the world is
easier than to understand me, do you? I married Annie for her money, did
I? And when her parents wouldn't give it to me, I changed my plans, and
am now hustling her out of the world so that I may marry another woman,
who will bring me what I want? You think so, do you? Oh, how easy and
simple it all is! But you are mistaken, doctor; in each one of us there
are too many springs, too many wheels and cogs for us to judge each
other by first impressions or by two or three external indications. I
can not understand you, you cannot understand me, and neither of us can
understand himself. A man may be a splendid doctor, and at the same time
a very bad judge of human nature; you will admit that, unless you are
too self-confident.
LVOFF. Do you really think that your character is so mysterious, and
that I am too stupid to tell vice from virtue?
IVANOFF. It is clear that we shall never agree, so let me beg you to
answer me now without any more preamble: exactly what do you want me to
do? [Angrily] What are you after anyway? And with whom have I the honour
of speaking? With my lawyer, or with my wife's doctor?
LVOFF. I am a doctor, and as such I demand that you change your conduct
toward your wife; it is killing her.
IVANOFF. What shall I do? Tell me! If you understand me so much better
than I understand myself, for heaven's sake tell me exactly what to do!
LVOFF. In the first place, don't be so unguarded in your behaviour.
IVANOFF. Heaven help me, do you mean to say that you understand
yourself? [He drinks some water] Now go away; I am guilty a thousand
times over; I shall answer for my sins before God; but nothing has given
you the right to torture me daily as you do.
LVOFF. Who has given you the right to insult my sense of honour? You
have maddened and poisoned my soul. Before I came to this place I knew
that stupid, crazy, deluded people existed, but I never imagined that
any one could be so criminal as to turn his mind deliberately in the
direction of wickedness. I loved and esteemed humanity then, but since I
have known you—
IVANOFF. I have heard all that before.
LVOFF. You have, have you?
He goes out, shrugging his shoulders. He sees SASHA, who comes in at
this moment dressed for riding.
LVOFF. Now, however, I hope that we can understand one another!
IVANOFF. [Startled] Oh, Sasha, is that you?
SASHA. Yes, it is I. How are you? You didn't expect me, did you? Why
haven't you been to see us?
IVANOFF. Sasha, this is really imprudent of you! Your coming will have a
terrible effect on my wife!
SASHA. She won't see me; I came in by the back entrance; I shall go in a
minute. I am so anxious about you. Tell me, are you well? Why haven't
you been to see us for such a long time?
IVANOFF. My wife is offended already, and almost dying, and now you come
here; Sasha, Sasha, this is thoughtless and unkind of you.
SASHA. How could I help coming? It is two weeks since you were at our
house, and you have not answered my letters. I imagined you suffering
dreadfully, or ill, or dead. I have not slept for nights. I am going
now, but first tell me that you are well.
IVANOFF. No, I am not well. I am a torment to myself, and every one
torments me without end. I can't stand it! And now you come here. How
morbid and unnatural it all is, Sasha. I am terribly guilty.
SASHA. What dreadful, pitiful speeches you make! So you are guilty, are
you? Tell me, then, what is it you have done?
IVANOFF I don't know; I don't know!
SASHA. That is no answer. Every sinner should know what he is guilty of.
Perhaps you have been forging money?
IVANOFF. That is stupid.
SASHA. Or are you guilty because you no longer love your wife? Perhaps
you are, but no one is master of his feelings, and you did not mean to
stop loving her. Do you feel guilty because she saw me telling you that
I love you? No, that cannot be, because you did not want her to see it—
IVANOFF. [Interrupting her] And so on, and so on! First you say I love,
and then you say I don't; that I am not master of my feelings. All these
are commonplace, worn-out sentiments, with which you cannot help me.
SASHA. It is impossible to talk to you. [She looks at a picture on the
wall] How well those dogs are drawn! Were they done from life?
IVANOFF. Yes, from life. And this whole romance of ours is a tedious old
story; a man loses heart and begins to go down in the world; a girl
appears, brave and strong of heart, and gives him a hand to help him to
rise again. Such situations are pretty, but they are only found in
novels and not in real life.
SASHA. No, they are found in real life too.
IVANOFF. Now I see how well you understand real life! My sufferings seem
noble to you; you imagine you have discovered in me a second Hamlet; but
my state of mind in all its phases is only fit to furnish food for
contempt and derision. My contortions are ridiculous enough to make any
one die of laughter, and you want to play the guardian angel; you want
to do a noble deed and save me. Oh, how I hate myself to-day! I feel
that this tension must soon be relieved in some way. Either I shall
break something, or else—
SASHA. That is exactly what you need. Let yourself go! Smash something;
break it to pieces; give a yell! You are angry with me, it was foolish
of me to come here. Very well, then, get excited about it; storm at me;
stamp your feet! Well, aren't you getting angry?
IVANOFF. You ridiculous girl!
SASHA. Splendid! So we are smiling at last! Be kind, do me the favour of
smiling once more!
IVANOFF. [Laughing] I have noticed that whenever you start reforming me
and saving my soul, and teaching me how to be good, your face grows
naive, oh so naive, and your eyes grow as wide as if you were looking at
a comet. Wait a moment; your shoulder is covered with dust. [He brushes
her shoulder] A naive man is nothing better than a fool, but you women
contrive to be naive in such a way that in you it seems sweet, and
gentle, and proper, and not as silly as it really is. What a strange way
you have, though, of ignoring a man as long as he is well and happy, and
fastening yourselves to him as soon as he begins to whine and go
down-hill! Do you actually think it is worse to be the wife of a strong
man than to nurse some whimpering invalid?
SASHA. Yes, it is worse.
IVANOFF. Why do you think so? [Laughing loudly] It is a good thing
Darwin can't hear what you are saying! He would be furious with you for
degrading the human race. Soon, thanks to your kindness, only invalids
and hypochondriacs will be born into the world.
SASHA. There are a great many things a man cannot understand. Any girl
would rather love an unfortunate man than a fortunate one, because every
girl would like to do something by loving. A man has his work to do, and
so for him love is kept in the background. To talk to his wife, to walk
with her in the garden, to pass the time pleasantly with her, that is
all that love means to a man. But for us, love means life. I love you;
that means that I dream only of how I shall cure you of your sadness,
how I shall go with you to the ends of the earth. If you are in heaven,
I am in heaven; if you are in the pit, I am in the pit. For instance, it
would be the greatest happiness for me to write all night for you, or to
watch all night that no one should wake you. I remember that three years
ago, at threshing time, you came to us all dusty and sunburnt and tired,
and asked for a drink. When I brought you a glass of water you were
already lying on the sofa and sleeping like a dead man. You slept there
for half a day, and all that time I watched by the door that no one
should disturb you. How happy I was! The more a girl can do, the greater
her love will be; that is, I mean, the more she feels it.
IVANOFF. The love that accomplishes things—hm—that is a
fairy tale, a girl's dream; and yet, perhaps it is as it should be. [He
shrugs his shoulders] How can I tell? [Gaily] On my honour, Sasha, I
really am quite a respectable man. Judge for yourself: I have always
liked to discuss things, but I have never in my life said that our women
were corrupt, or that such and such a woman was on the down-hill path. I
have always been grateful, and nothing more. No, nothing more. Dear
child, how comical you are! And what a ridiculous old stupid I am! I
shock all good Christian folk, and go about complaining from morning to
night. [He laughs and then leaves her suddenly] But you must go, Sasha;
we have forgotten ourselves.
SASHA. Yes, it is time to go. Good-bye. I am afraid that that honest
doctor of yours will have told Anna out of a sense of duty that I am
here. Take my advice: go at once to your wife and stay with her. Stay,
and stay, and stay, and if it should be for a year, you must still stay,
or for ten years. It is your duty. You must repent, and ask her
forgiveness, and weep. That is what you ought to do, and the great thing
is not to forget to do right.
IVANOFF. Again I feel as if I were going crazy; again!
SASHA. Well, heaven help you! You must forget me entirely. In two weeks
you must send me a line and I shall be content with that. But I shall
write to you—
BORKIN looks in at the door.
BORKIN. Ivanoff, may I come in? [He sees SASHA] I beg your pardon, I did
not see you. Bonjour! [He bows.]
SASHA. [Embarrassed] How do you do?
BORKIN. You are plumper and prettier than ever.
SASHA. [To IVANOFF] I must go, Nicholas, I must go. [She goes out.]
BORKIN. What a beautiful apparition! I came expecting prose and found
poetry instead. [Sings]
"You showed yourself to the world as a bird——"
IVANOFF walks excitedly up and down.
BORKIN. [Sits down] There is something in her, Nicholas, that one
doesn't find in other women, isn't there? An elfin strangeness. [He
sighs] Although she is without doubt the richest girl in the country,
her mother is so stingy that no one will have her. After her mother's
death Sasha will have the whole fortune, but until then she will only
give her ten thousand roubles and an old flat-iron, and to get that she
will have to humble herself to the ground. [He feels in his pockets]
Will you have a smoke? [He offers IVANOFF his cigarette case] These are
very good.
IVANOFF. [Comes toward BORKIN stifled with rage] Leave my house this
instant, and don't you ever dare to set foot in it again! Go this
instant!
BORKIN gets up and drops his cigarette.
IVANOFF. Go at once!
BORKIN. Nicholas, what do you mean? Why are you so angry?
IVANOFF. Why! Where did you get those cigarettes? Where? You think
perhaps that I don't know where you take the old man every day, and for
what purpose?
BORKIN. [Shrugs his shoulders] What business is it of yours?
IVANOFF. You blackguard, you! The disgraceful rumours that you have been
spreading about me have made me disreputable in the eyes of the whole
countryside. You and I have nothing in common, and I ask you to leave my
house this instant.
BORKIN. I know that you are saying all this in a moment of irritation,
and so I am not angry with you. Insult me as much as you please. [He
picks up his cigarette] It is time though, to shake off this melancholy
of yours; you're not a schoolboy.
IVANOFF. What did I tell you? [Shuddering] Are you making fun of me?
Enter ANNA.
BORKIN. There now, there comes Anna! I shall go.
IVANOFF stops near the table and stands with his head bowed.
ANNA. [After a pause] What did she come here for? What did she come here
for, I ask you?
IVANOFF. Don't ask me, Annie. [A pause] I am terribly guilty. Think of
any punishment you want to inflict on me; I can stand anything, but
don't, oh, don't ask questions!
ANNA. [Angrily] So that is the sort of man you are? Now I understand
you, and can see how degraded, how dishonourable you are! Do you
remember that you came to me once and lied to me about your love? I
believed you, and left my mother, my father, and my faith to follow you.
Yes, you lied to me of goodness and honour, of your noble aspirations
and I believed every word——
IVANOFF. I have never lied to you, Annie.
ANNA. I have lived with you five years now, and I am tired and ill, but
I have always loved you and have never left you for a moment. You have
been my idol, and what have you done? All this time you have been
deceiving me in the most dastardly way——
IVANOFF. Annie, don't say what isn't so. I have made mistakes, but I
have never told a lie in my life. You dare not accuse me of that!
ANNA. It is all clear to me now. You married me because you expected my
mother and father to forgive me and give you my money; that is what you
expected.
IVANOFF. Good Lord, Annie! If I must suffer like this, I must have the
patience to bear it. [He begins to weep.]
ANNA. Be quiet! When you found that I wasn't bringing you any money, you
tried another game. Now I remember and understand everything. [She
begins to cry] You have never loved me or been faithful to me—never!
IVANOFF. Sarah! That is a lie! Say what you want, but don't insult me
with a lie!
ANNA. You dishonest, degraded man! You owe money to Lebedieff, and now,
to escape paying your debts, you are trying to turn the head of his
daughter and betray her as you have betrayed me. Can you deny it?
IVANOFF. [Stifled with rage] For heaven's sake, be quiet! I can't answer
for what I may do! I am choking with rage and I—I might insult
you!
ANNA. I am not the only one whom you have basely deceived. You have
always blamed Borkin for all your dishonest tricks, but now I know whose
they are.
IVANOFF. Sarah, stop at once and go away, or else I shall say something
terrible. I long to say a dreadful, cruel thing [He shrieks] Hold your
tongue, Jewess!
ANNA. I won't hold my tongue! You have deceived me too long for me to be
silent now.
IVANOFF. So you won't be quiet? [He struggles with himself] Go, for
heaven's sake!
ANNA. Go now, and betray Sasha!
IVANOFF. Know then that you—are dying! The doctor told me that you
are dying.
ANNA. [Sits down and speaks in a low voice] When did he
IVANOFF. [Clutches his head with both hands] Oh, how guilty I am—how
guilty! [He sobs.]
The curtain falls.
About a year passes between the third and fourth acts.
End of the Project Gutenberg EBook of Ivanoff, by Anton Checkov
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