Project Gutenberg Etext Adventures of Major Gahagan by Thackeray #8 in our series by William Makepeace Thackeray Copyright laws are changing all over the world, be sure to check the copyright laws for your country before posting these files!! Please take a look at the important information in this header. We encourage you to keep this file on your own disk, keeping an electronic path open for the next readers. Do not remove this. **Welcome To The World of Free Plain Vanilla Electronic Texts** **Etexts Readable By Both Humans and By Computers, Since 1971** *These Etexts Prepared By Hundreds of Volunteers and Donations* Information on contacting Project Gutenberg to get Etexts, and further information is included below. We need your donations. The Tremendous Adventures of Major Gahagan by William Makepeace Thackeray October, 1999 [Etext #1935] Project Gutenberg Etext Adventures of Major Gahagan by Thackeray ******This file should be named 1935.txt or 1935.zip****** This etext was prepared by David Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk from the 1911 John Murray edition. Project Gutenberg Etexts are usually created from multiple editions, all of which are in the Public Domain in the United States, unless a copyright notice is included. Therefore, we do usually do NOT! keep these books in compliance with any particular paper edition. We are now trying to release all our books one month in advance of the official release dates, leaving time for better editing. Please note: neither this list nor its contents are final till midnight of the last day of the month of any such announcement. The official release date of all Project Gutenberg Etexts is at Midnight, Central Time, of the last day of the stated month. A preliminary version may often be posted for suggestion, comment and editing by those who wish to do so. To be sure you have an up to date first edition [xxxxx10x.xxx] please check file sizes in the first week of the next month. Since our ftp program has a bug in it that scrambles the date [tried to fix and failed] a look at the file size will have to do, but we will try to see a new copy has at least one byte more or less. Information about Project Gutenberg (one page) We produce about two million dollars for each hour we work. The time it takes us, a rather conservative estimate, is fifty hours to get any etext selected, entered, proofread, edited, copyright searched and analyzed, the copyright letters written, etc. This projected audience is one hundred million readers. If our value per text is nominally estimated at one dollar then we produce $2 million dollars per hour this year as we release thirty-six text files per month, or 432 more Etexts in 1999 for a total of 2000+ If these reach just 10% of the computerized population, then the total should reach over 200 billion Etexts given away this year. The Goal of Project Gutenberg is to Give Away One Trillion Etext Files by December 31, 2001. [10,000 x 100,000,000 = 1 Trillion] This is ten thousand titles each to one hundred million readers, which is only ~5% of the present number of computer users. At our revised rates of production, we will reach only one-third of that goal by the end of 2001, or about 3,333 Etexts unless we manage to get some real funding; currently our funding is mostly from Michael Hart's salary at Carnegie-Mellon University, and an assortment of sporadic gifts; this salary is only good for a few more years, so we are looking for something to replace it, as we don't want Project Gutenberg to be so dependent on one person. We need your donations more than ever! All donations should be made to "Project Gutenberg/CMU": and are tax deductible to the extent allowable by law. (CMU = Carnegie- Mellon University). For these and other matters, please mail to: Project Gutenberg P. O. Box 2782 Champaign, IL 61825 When all other email fails. . .try our Executive Director: Michael S. Hart hart@pobox.com forwards to hart@prairienet.org and archive.org if your mail bounces from archive.org, I will still see it, if it bounces from prairienet.org, better resend later on. . . . We would prefer to send you this information by email. ****** To access Project Gutenberg etexts, use any Web browser to view http://promo.net/pg. This site lists Etexts by author and by title, and includes information about how to get involved with Project Gutenberg. You could also download our past Newsletters, or subscribe here. This is one of our major sites, please email hart@pobox.com, for a more complete list of our various sites. To go directly to the etext collections, use FTP or any Web browser to visit a Project Gutenberg mirror (mirror sites are available on 7 continents; mirrors are listed at http://promo.net/pg). Mac users, do NOT point and click, typing works better. Example FTP session: ftp sunsite.unc.edu login: anonymous password: your@login cd pub/docs/books/gutenberg cd etext90 through etext99 dir [to see files] get or mget [to get files. . .set bin for zip files] GET GUTINDEX.?? [to get a year's listing of books, e.g., GUTINDEX.99] GET GUTINDEX.ALL [to get a listing of ALL books] *** **Information prepared by the Project Gutenberg legal advisor** (Three Pages) ***START**THE SMALL PRINT!**FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS**START*** Why is this "Small Print!" statement here? You know: lawyers. They tell us you might sue us if there is something wrong with your copy of this etext, even if you got it for free from someone other than us, and even if what's wrong is not our fault. So, among other things, this "Small Print!" statement disclaims most of our liability to you. It also tells you how you can distribute copies of this etext if you want to. *BEFORE!* YOU USE OR READ THIS ETEXT By using or reading any part of this PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, you indicate that you understand, agree to and accept this "Small Print!" statement. If you do not, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for this etext by sending a request within 30 days of receiving it to the person you got it from. If you received this etext on a physical medium (such as a disk), you must return it with your request. ABOUT PROJECT GUTENBERG-TM ETEXTS This PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext, like most PROJECT GUTENBERG- tm etexts, is a "public domain" work distributed by Professor Michael S. Hart through the Project Gutenberg Association at Carnegie-Mellon University (the "Project"). Among other things, this means that no one owns a United States copyright on or for this work, so the Project (and you!) can copy and distribute it in the United States without permission and without paying copyright royalties. Special rules, set forth below, apply if you wish to copy and distribute this etext under the Project's "PROJECT GUTENBERG" trademark. To create these etexts, the Project expends considerable efforts to identify, transcribe and proofread public domain works. Despite these efforts, the Project's etexts and any medium they may be on may contain "Defects". Among other things, Defects may take the form of incomplete, inaccurate or corrupt data, transcription errors, a copyright or other intellectual property infringement, a defective or damaged disk or other etext medium, a computer virus, or computer codes that damage or cannot be read by your equipment. LIMITED WARRANTY; DISCLAIMER OF DAMAGES But for the "Right of Replacement or Refund" described below, [1] the Project (and any other party you may receive this etext from as a PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm etext) disclaims all liability to you for damages, costs and expenses, including legal fees, and [2] YOU HAVE NO REMEDIES FOR NEGLIGENCE OR UNDER STRICT LIABILITY, OR FOR BREACH OF WARRANTY OR CONTRACT, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO INDIRECT, CONSEQUENTIAL, PUNITIVE OR INCIDENTAL DAMAGES, EVEN IF YOU GIVE NOTICE OF THE POSSIBILITY OF SUCH DAMAGES. If you discover a Defect in this etext within 90 days of receiving it, you can receive a refund of the money (if any) you paid for it by sending an explanatory note within that time to the person you received it from. If you received it on a physical medium, you must return it with your note, and such person may choose to alternatively give you a replacement copy. If you received it electronically, such person may choose to alternatively give you a second opportunity to receive it electronically. THIS ETEXT IS OTHERWISE PROVIDED TO YOU "AS-IS". NO OTHER WARRANTIES OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, ARE MADE TO YOU AS TO THE ETEXT OR ANY MEDIUM IT MAY BE ON, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO WARRANTIES OF MERCHANTABILITY OR FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE. Some states do not allow disclaimers of implied warranties or the exclusion or limitation of consequential damages, so the above disclaimers and exclusions may not apply to you, and you may have other legal rights. INDEMNITY You will indemnify and hold the Project, its directors, officers, members and agents harmless from all liability, cost and expense, including legal fees, that arise directly or indirectly from any of the following that you do or cause: [1] distribution of this etext, [2] alteration, modification, or addition to the etext, or [3] any Defect. DISTRIBUTION UNDER "PROJECT GUTENBERG-tm" You may distribute copies of this etext electronically, or by disk, book or any other medium if you either delete this "Small Print!" and all other references to Project Gutenberg, or: [1] Only give exact copies of it. Among other things, this requires that you do not remove, alter or modify the etext or this "small print!" statement. You may however, if you wish, distribute this etext in machine readable binary, compressed, mark-up, or proprietary form, including any form resulting from conversion by word pro- cessing or hypertext software, but only so long as *EITHER*: [*] The etext, when displayed, is clearly readable, and does *not* contain characters other than those intended by the author of the work, although tilde (~), asterisk (*) and underline (_) characters may be used to convey punctuation intended by the author, and additional characters may be used to indicate hypertext links; OR [*] The etext may be readily converted by the reader at no expense into plain ASCII, EBCDIC or equivalent form by the program that displays the etext (as is the case, for instance, with most word processors); OR [*] You provide, or agree to also provide on request at no additional cost, fee or expense, a copy of the etext in its original plain ASCII form (or in EBCDIC or other equivalent proprietary form). [2] Honor the etext refund and replacement provisions of this "Small Print!" statement. [3] Pay a trademark license fee to the Project of 20% of the net profits you derive calculated using the method you already use to calculate your applicable taxes. If you don't derive profits, no royalty is due. Royalties are payable to『Project Gutenberg Association/Carnegie-Mellon University』within the 60 days following each date you prepare (or were legally required to prepare) your annual (or equivalent periodic) tax return. WHAT IF YOU *WANT* TO SEND MONEY EVEN IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO? The Project gratefully accepts contributions in money, time, scanning machines, OCR software, public domain etexts, royalty free copyright licenses, and every other sort of contribution you can think of. Money should be paid to "Project Gutenberg Association / Carnegie-Mellon University". *END*THE SMALL PRINT! FOR PUBLIC DOMAIN ETEXTS*Ver.04.29.93*END* This etext was prepared by David Price, email ccx074@coventry.ac.uk from the 1911 John Murray edition.
___________________ A
/....................
/.
/.
- A is the enemy, and the dots represent the hundred and twenty pieces of
artillery which defended his line. He was moreover, entrenched; and a wide
morass in his front gave him an additional security.
His Excellency for a moment surveyed the line, and then said, turning
round to one of his aides-de-camp, "Order up Major-General Tinkler and the
cavalry."
"HERE, does your Excellency mean?" said the aide-de-camp, surprised, for
the enemy had perceived us, and the cannon-balls were flying about as
thick as peas.
"HERE, SIR!" said the old General, stamping with his foot in a passion,
and the A.D.C. shrugged his shoulders and galloped away. In five minutes
we heard the trumpets in our camp, and in twenty more the greater part of
the cavalry had joined us.
Up they came, five thousand men, their standards flapping in the air,
their long line of polished jack-boots gleaming in the golden sunlight.
"And now we are here," said Major-General Sir Theophilus Tinkler,﹃what
next?﹄"Oh, d- it," said the Commander-in-Chief,﹃charge, charge—nothing
like charging—galloping—guns—rascally black scoundrels—charge,
charge!﹄And then turning round to me (perhaps he was glad to change the
conversation), he said, "Lieutenant Gahagan, you will stay with me."
And well for him I did, for I do not hesitate to say that the battle WAS
GAINED BY ME. I do not mean to insult the reader by pretending that any
personal exertions of mine turned the day,— that I killed, for
instance, a regiment of cavalry or swallowed a battery of guns,—such
absurd tales would disgrace both the hearer and the teller. I, as is well
known, never say a single word which cannot be proved, and hate more than
all other vices the absurd sin of egotism: I simply mean that my ADVICE to
the General, at a quarter-past two o'clock in the afternoon of that day,
won this great triumph for the British army.
Gleig, Mill, and Thorn have all told the tale of this war, though somehow
they have omitted all mention of the hero of it. General Lake, for the
victory of that day, became Lord Lake of Laswaree. Laswaree! and who,
forsooth, was the real conqueror of Laswaree? I can lay my hand upon my
heart and say that I was. If any proof is wanting of the fact, let me give
it at once, and from the highest military testimony in the world—I
mean that of the Emperor Napoleon.
In the month of March, 1817, I was passenger on board the "Prince Regent,"
Captain Harris, which touched at St. Helena on its passage from Calcutta
to England. In company with the other officers on board the ship, I paid
my respects to the illustrious exile of Longwood, who received us in his
garden, where he was walking about, in a nankeen dress and a large
broad-brimmed straw hat, with General Montholon, Count Las Casas, and his
son Emanuel, then a little boy; who I dare say does not recollect me, but
who nevertheless played with my sword-knot and the tassels of my Hessian
boots during the whole of our interview with his Imperial Majesty.
Our names were read out (in a pretty accent, by the way!) by General
Montholon, and the Emperor, as each was pronounced, made a bow to the
owner of it, but did not vouchsafe a word. At last Montholon came to mine.
The Emperor looked me at once in the face, took his hands out of his
pockets, put them behind his back, and coming up to me smiling, pronounced
the following words:-
"Assaye, Delhi, Deeg, Futtyghur?"
I blushed, and, taking off my hat with a bow, said, "Sire, c'est moi."
"Parbleu! je le savais bien," said the Emperor, holding out his snuff-box.
"En usez-vous, Major?" I took a large pinch (which, with the honour of
speaking to so great a man, brought the tears into my eyes), and he
continued as nearly as possible in the following words:-
"Sir, you are known; you come of an heroic nation. Your third brother, the
Chef de Bataillon, Count Godfrey Gahagan, was in my Irish Brigade."
Gahagan. "Sire, it is true. He and my countrymen in your Majesty's service
stood under the green flag in the breach of Burgos, and beat Wellington
back. It was the only time, as your Majesty knows, that Irishmen and
Englishmen were beaten in that war."
Napoleon (looking as if he would say, "D- your candour, Major Gahagan").
"Well, well; it was so. Your brother was a Count, and died a General in my
service."
Gahagan. "He was found lying upon the bodies of nine-and-twenty Cossacks
at Borodino. They were all dead, and bore the Gahagan mark."
Napoleon (to Montholon). "C'est vrai, Montholon: je vous donne ma parole
d'honneur la plus sacree, que c'est vrai. Ils ne sont pas d'autres, ces
terribles Ga'gans. You must know that Monsieur gained the battle of Delhi
as certainly as I did that of Austerlitz. In this way:- Ce belitre de Lor
Lake, after calling up his cavalry, and placing them in front of Holkar's
batteries, qui balayaient la plaine, was for charging the enemy's
batteries with his horse, who would have been ecrases, mitrailles,
foudroyes to a man but for the cunning of ce grand rogue que vous voyez."
Montholon. "Coquin de Major, va!"
Napoleon. "Montholon! tais-toi. When Lord Lake, with his great bull-headed
English obstinacy, saw the facheuse position into which he had brought his
troops, he was for dying on the spot, and would infallibly have done so—and
the loss of his army would have been the ruin of the East India Company—and
the ruin of the English East India Company would have established my
Empire (bah! it was a republic then!) in the East—but that the man
before us, Lieutenant Goliah Gahagan, was riding at the side of General
Lake."
Montholon (with an accent of despair and fury). "Gredin! cent mille
tonnerres de Dieu!"
Napoleon (benignantly). "Calme-toi, mon fidele ami. What will you? It was
fate. Gahagan, at the critical period of the battle, or rather slaughter
(for the English had not slain a man of the enemy), advised a retreat."
Montholon. "Le lache! Un Francais meurt, mais il ne recule jamais."
Napoleon. "Stupide! Don't you see why the retreat was ordered?—
don't you know that it was a feint on the part of Gahagan to draw Holkar
from his impregnable entrenchments? Don't you know that the ignorant
Indian fell into the snare, and issuing from behind the cover of his guns,
came down with his cavalry on the plains in pursuit of Lake and his
dragoons? Then it was that the Englishmen turned upon him; the hardy
children of the North swept down his feeble horsemen, bore them back to
their guns, which were useless, entered Holkar's entrenchments along with
his troops, sabred the artillerymen at their pieces, and won the battle of
Delhi!"
As the Emperor spoke, his pale cheek glowed red, his eye flashed fire, his
deep clear voice rung as of old when he pointed out the enemy from beneath
the shadow of the Pyramids, or rallied his regiments to the charge upon
the death-strewn plain of Wagram. I have had many a proud moment in my
life, but never such a proud one as this; and I would readily pardon the
word "coward," as applied to me by Montholon, in consideration of the
testimony which his master bore in my favour.
"Major," said the Emperor to me in conclusion,﹃why had I not such a man
as you in my service? I would have made you a Prince and a Marshal!﹄and
here he fell into a reverie, of which I knew and respected the purport. He
was thinking, doubtless, that I might have retrieved his fortunes; and
indeed I have very little doubt that I might.
Very soon after, coffee was brought by Monsieur Marchand, Napoleon's
valet-de-chambre, and after partaking of that beverage, and talking upon
the politics of the day, the Emperor withdrew, leaving me deeply impressed
by the condescension he had shown in this remarkable interview.
Troops and artillerymen 40
Ladies 74
Other non-combatants 11
MAJOR-GENERAL O'G.GAHAGAN 1,000
1,125
I count myself good for a thousand, for so I was regularly rated in the
army: with this great benefit to it, that I only consumed as much as an
ordinary mortal. We were then, as far as the victuals went, 126 mouths; as
combatants we numbered 1,040 gallant men, with 12 guns and a fort, against
Holkar and his 12,000. No such alarming odds, if -
IF!—ay, there was the rub—IF we had SHOT, as well as powder
for our guns; IF we had not only MEN but MEAT. Of the former commodity we
had only three rounds for each piece. Of the latter, upon my sacred
honour, to feed 126 souls, we had but
Two drumsticks of fowls, and a bone of ham. Fourteen bottles of
ginger-beer. Of soda-water, four ditto. Two bottles of fine Spanish
olives. Raspberry cream—the remainder of two dishes. Seven
macaroons, lying in the puddle of a demolished trifle. Half a drum of best
Turkey figs. Some bits of broken bread; two Dutch cheeses (whole); the
crust of an old Stilton; and about an ounce of almonds and raisins. Three
ham-sandwiches, and a pot of currant-jelly, and 197 bottles of brandy,
rum, madeira, pale ale (my private stock); a couple of hard eggs for a
salad, and a flask of Florence oil.
This was the provision for the whole garrison! The men after supper had
seized upon the relics of the repast, as they were carried off from the
table; and these were the miserable remnants I found and counted on my
return; taking good care to lock the door of the supper-room, and treasure
what little sustenance still remained in it.
When I appeared in the saloon, now lighted up by the morning sun, I not
only caused a sensation myself, but felt one in my own bosom which was of
the most painful description. Oh, my reader! may you never behold such a
sight as that which presented itself: eighty- three men and women in
ball-dresses; the former with their lank powdered locks streaming over
their faces; the latter with faded flowers, uncurled wigs, smudged rouge,
blear eyes, draggling feathers, rumpled satins—each more desperately
melancholy and hideous than the other—each, except my beloved
Belinda Bulcher, whose raven ringlets never having been in curl could of
course never go out of curl; whose cheek, pale as the lily, could, as it
may naturally be supposed, grow no paler; whose neck and beauteous arms,
dazzling as alabaster, needed no pearl-powder, and therefore, as I need
not state, did not suffer because the pearl-powder had come off. Joy (deft
link-boy!) lit his lamps in each of her eyes as I entered. As if I had
been her sun, her spring, lo! blushing roses mantled in her cheek!
Seventy-three ladies, as I entered, opened their fire upon me, and stunned
me with cross-questions, regarding my adventures in the camp—SHE, as
she saw me, gave a faint scream (the sweetest, sure, that ever gurgled
through the throat of a woman!) then started up—then made as if she
would sit down—then moved backwards—then tottered forwards—then
tumbled into my—Psha! why recall, why attempt to describe that
delicious— that passionate greeting of two young hearts? What was
the surrounding crowd to us? What cared we for the sneers of the men, the
titters of the jealous women, the shrill "Upon my word!" of the elder Miss
Bulcher, and the loud expostulations of Belinda's mamma? The brave girl
loved me, and wept in my arms. "Goliah! my Goliah!" said she, "my brave,
my beautiful, THOU art returned, and hope comes back with thee. Oh! who
can tell the anguish of my soul, during this dreadful dreadful night!"
Other similar ejaculations of love and joy she uttered; and if I HAD
perilled life in her service, if I DID believe that hope of escape there
was none, so exquisite was the moment of our meeting, that I forgot all
else in this overwhelming joy!
* * *
[The Major's description of this meeting, which lasted at the very most
not ten seconds, occupies thirteen pages of writing. We have been
compelled to dock off twelve-and-a-half; for the whole passage, though
highly creditable to his feelings, might possibly be tedious to the
reader.]
* * *
As I said, the ladies and gentlemen were inclined to sneer, and were
giggling audibly. I led the dear girl to a chair, and, scowling round with
a tremendous fierceness, which those who know me know I can sometimes put
on, I shouted out,﹃Hark ye! men and women—I am this lady's truest
knight—her husband I hope one day to be. I am commander, too, in
this fort—the enemy is without it; another word of mockery—another
glance of scorn—and, by Heaven, I will hurl every man and woman from
the battlements, a prey to the ruffianly Holkar!﹄This quieted them. I am
a man of my word, and none of them stirred or looked disrespectfully from
that moment.
It was now my turn to make them look foolish. Mrs. Vandegobbleschroy
(whose unfailing appetite is pretty well known to every person who has
been in India) cried,﹃Well, Captain Gahagan, your ball has been so
pleasant, and the supper was despatched so long ago, that myself and the
ladies would be very glad of a little breakfast.﹄And Mrs. Van giggled as
if she had made a very witty and reasonable speech.﹃Oh! breakfast,
breakfast, by all means,﹄said the rest; "we really are dying for a warm
cup of tea."
"Is it bohay tay or souchong tay that you'd like, ladies?" says I.
"Nonsense, you silly man; any tea you like," said fat Mrs. Van.
"What do you say, then, to some prime GUNPOWDER?" Of course they said it
was the very thing.
"And do you like hot rowls or cowld—muffins or crumpets—fresh
butter or salt? And you, gentlemen, what do you say to some ilegant
divvled-kidneys for yourselves, and just a trifle of grilled turkeys, and
a couple of hundthred new-laid eggs for the ladies?"
"Pooh, pooh! be it as you will, my dear fellow," answered they all.
"But stop," says I. "O ladies, O ladies! O gentlemen, gentlemen! that you
should ever have come to the quarters of Goliah Gahagan, and he been
without—"
"What?" said they, in a breath.
"Alas! alas! I have not got a single stick of chocolate in the whole
house."
"Well, well, we can do without it."
"Or a single pound of coffee."
"Never mind; let that pass too." (Mrs. Van and the rest were beginning to
look alarmed.)
﹃And about the kidneys—now I remember, the black divvles outside the
fort have seized upon all the sheep; and how are we to have kidneys
without them?﹄(Here there was a slight o-o-o!)
"And with regard to the milk and crame, it may be remarked that the cows
are likewise in pawn, and not a single drop can be had for money or love:
but we can beat up eggs, you know, in the tay, which will be just as
good."
"Oh! just as good."
﹃Only the divvle's in the luck, there's not a fresh egg to be had—
no, nor a fresh chicken,﹄continued I, "nor a stale one either; not a
tayspoonful of souchong, nor a thimbleful of bohay; nor the laste taste in
life of butther, salt or fresh; nor hot rowls or cowld!"
"In the name of Heaven!" said Mrs. Van, growing very pale, "what is there,
then?"
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'll tell you what there is now," shouted I.
"There's
﹃Two drumsticks of fowls, and a bone of ham. Fourteen bottles of
ginger-beer,﹄&c. &c. &c.
And I went through the whole list of eatables as before, ending with the
ham-sandwiches and the pot of jelly.
"Law! Mr. Gahagan," said Mrs. Colonel Vandegobbleschroy, "give me the
ham-sandwiches—I must manage to breakfast off them."
And you should have heard the pretty to-do there was at this modest
proposition! Of course I did not accede to it—why should I? I was
the commander of the fort, and intended to keep these three very
sandwiches for the use of myself and my dear Belinda. "Ladies," said I,
"there are in this fort one hundred and twenty- six souls, and this is all
the food which is to last us during the siege. Meat there is none—of
drink there is a tolerable quantity; and at one o'clock punctually, a
glass of wine and one olive shall be served out to each woman: the men
will receive two glasses, and an olive and a fig—and this must be
your food during the siege. Lord Lake cannot be absent more than three
days; and if he be—why, still there is a chance—why do I say a
chance?—a CERTAINTY of escaping from the hands of these ruffians."
"Oh, name it, name it, dear Captain Gahagan!" screeched the whole covey at
a breath.
"It lies," answered I, "in the powder magazine. I will blow this fort, and
all it contains, to atoms, ere it becomes the prey of Holkar."
The women, at this, raised a squeal that might have been heard in Holkar's
camp, and fainted in different directions; but my dear Belinda whispered
in my ear,﹃Well done, thou noble knight! bravely said, my heart's
Goliah!﹄I felt I was right: I could have blown her up twenty times for
the luxury of that single moment! "And now, ladies," said I, "I must leave
you. The two chaplains will remain with you to administer professional
consolation—the other gentlemen will follow me upstairs to the
ramparts, where I shall find plenty of work for them."
....... G |
E |
| F
E is the line of elephants. F is the wall of the fort. G a gun in the
fort. Now the reader will see what I did.
The elephants were standing, their trunks waggling to and fro
gracefully before them; and I, with superhuman skill and activity,
brought the gun G (a devilish long brass gun) to bear upon them. I
pointed it myself; bang! it went, and what was the consequence?
Why, this:-
x
....... G |
E |
| F
F is the fort, as before. G is the gun, as before. E, the elephants, as we
have previously seen them. What then is x? x is the line taken by the ball
fired from G, which took off ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-FOUR ELEPHANTS'
TRUNKS, and only spent itself in the tusk of a very old animal, that stood
the hundred and thirty-fifth!
I say that such a shot was never fired before or since; that a gun was
never pointed in such a way. Suppose I had been a common man, and
contented myself with firing bang at the head of the first animal? An ass
would have done it, prided himself had he hit his mark, and what would
have been the consequence? Why, that the ball might have killed two
elephants and wounded a third; but here, probably, it would have stopped,
and done no further mischief. The trunk was the place at which to aim;
there are no bones there; and away, consequently, went the bullet,
shearing, as I have said, through one hundred and thirty-five probosces.
Heavens! what a howl there was when the shot took effect! What a sudden
stoppage of Holkar's speech! What a hideous snorting of elephants! What a
rush backwards was made by the whole army, as if some demon was pursuing
them!
Away they went. No sooner did I see them in full retreat, than, rushing
forward myself, I shouted to my men,﹃My friends, yonder lies your
dinner!﹄We flung open the gates—we tore down to the spot where the
elephants had fallen: seven of them were killed; and of those that escaped
to die of their hideous wounds elsewhere, most had left their trunks
behind them. A great quantity of them we seized; and I myself, cutting up
with my scimitar a couple of the fallen animals, as a butcher would a
calf, motioned to the men to take the pieces back to the fort, where
barbecued elephant was served round for dinner, instead of the miserable
allowance of an olive and a glass of wine, which I had promised to my
female friends, in my speech to them. The animal reserved for the ladies
was a young white one—the fattest and tenderest I ever ate in my
life: they are very fair eating, but the flesh has an India-rubber
flavour, which, until one is accustomed to it, is unpalatable.
It was well that I had obtained this supply, for, during my absence on the
works, Mrs. Vandegobbleschroy and one or two others had forced their way
into the supper-room, and devoured every morsel of the garrison larder,
with the exception of the cheeses, the olives, and the wine, which were
locked up in my own apartment, before which stood a sentinel. Disgusting
Mrs. Van! When I heard of her gluttony, I had almost a mind to eat HER.
However, we made a very comfortable dinner off the barbecued steaks, and
when everybody had done, had the comfort of knowing that there was enough
for one meal more.
The next day, as I expected, the enemy attacked us in great force,
attempting to escalade the fort; but by the help of my guns, and my good
sword, by the distinguished bravery of Lieutenant Macgillicuddy and the
rest of the garrison, we beat this attack off completely, the enemy
sustaining a loss of seven hundred men. We were victorious; but when
another attack was made, what were we to do? We had still a little powder
left, but had fired off all the shot, stones, iron-bars, &c. in the
garrison! On this day, too, we devoured the last morsel of our food: I
shall never forget Mrs. Vandegobbleschroy's despairing look, as I saw her
sitting alone, attempting to make some impression on the little white
elephant's roasted tail.
The third day the attack was repeated. The resources of genius are never
at an end. Yesterday I had no ammunition; to-day, I discovered charges
sufficient for two guns, and two swivels, which were much longer, but had
bores of about blunderbuss size.
This time my friend Loll Mahommed, who had received, as the reader may
remember, such a bastinadoing for my sake, headed the attack. The poor
wretch could not walk, but he was carried in an open palanquin, and came
on waving his sword, and cursing horribly in his Hindustan jargon. Behind
him came troops of matchlock-men, who picked off every one of our men who
showed their noses above the ramparts; and a great host of blackamoors
with scaling-ladders, bundles to fill the ditch, fascines, gabions,
culverins, demilunes, counterscarps, and all the other appurtenances of
offensive war.
On they came; my guns and men were ready for them. You will ask how my
pieces were loaded? I answer, that though my garrison were without food, I
knew my duty as an officer, and HAD PUT THE TWO DUTCH CHEESES INTO THE TWO
GUNS, AND HAD CRAMMED THE CONTENTS OF A BOTTLE OF OLIVES INTO EACH SWIVEL.
They advanced,—whish! went one of the Dutch cheeses,—bang!
went the other. Alas! they did little execution. In their first contact
with an opposing body, they certainly floored it; but they became at once
like so much Welsh-rabbit, and did no execution beyond the man whom they
struck down.
"Hogree, pogree, wongree-fum (praise to Allah and the forty-nine Imaums!)"
shouted out the ferocious Loll Mahommed when he saw the failure of my
shot. "Onward, sons of the Prophet! the infidel has no more ammunition. A
hundred thousand lakhs of rupees to the man who brings me Gahagan's head!"
His men set up a shout, and rushed forward—he, to do him justice,
was at the very head, urging on his own palanquin-bearers, and poking them
with the tip of his scimitar. They came panting up the hill: I was black
with rage, but it was the cold concentrated rage of despair.
"Macgillicuddy," said I, calling that faithful officer,﹃you know where
the barrels of powder are?﹄He did. "You know the use to make of them?" He
did. He grasped my hand. "Goliah," said he,﹃farewell! I swear that the
fort shall be in atoms, as soon as yonder unbelievers have carried it. Oh,
my poor mother!﹄added the gallant youth, as sighing, yet fearless, he
retired to his post.
I gave one thought to my blessed, my beautiful Belinda, and then, stepping
into the front, took down one of the swivels;—a shower of matchlock
balls came whizzing round my head. I did not heed them.
I took the swivel, and aimed coolly. Loll Mahommed, his palanquin, and his
men, were now not above two hundred yards from the fort. Loll was straight
before me, gesticulating and shouting to his men. I fired—bang!!!
I aimed so true, that ONE HUNDRED AND SEVENTEEN BEST SPANISH OLIVES WERE
LODGED IN A LUMP IN THE FACE OF THE UNHAPPY LOLL MAHOMMED. The wretch,
uttering a yell the most hideous and unearthly I ever heard, fell back
dead; the frightened bearers flung down the palanquin and ran—the
whole host ran as one man: their screams might be heard for leagues.
"Tomasha, tomasha," they cried, "it is enchantment!" Away they fled, and
the victory a third time was ours. Soon as the fight was done, I flew back
to my Belinda. We had eaten nothing for twenty-four hours, but I forgot
hunger in the thought of once more beholding her!
The sweet soul turned towards me with a sickly smile as I entered, and
almost fainted in my arms; but alas! it was not love which caused in her
bosom an emotion so strong—it was hunger! "Oh! my Goliah," whispered
she,﹃for three days I have not tasted food—I could not eat that
horrid elephant yesterday; but now—oh! Heaven!—﹄She could say
no more, but sank almost lifeless on my shoulder. I administered to her a
trifling dram of rum, which revived her for a moment, and then rushed
downstairs, determined that if it were a piece of my own leg, she should
still have something to satisfy her hunger. Luckily I remembered that
three or four elephants were still lying in the field, having been killed
by us in the first action, two days before. Necessity, thought I, has no
law; my adorable girl must eat elephant, until she can get something
better.
I rushed into the court where the men were, for the most part, assembled.
"Men," said I,﹃our larder is empty; we must fill it as we did the day
before yesterday. Who will follow Gahagan on a foraging party?﹄I expected
that, as on former occasions, every man would offer to accompany me.
To my astonishment, not a soul moved—a murmur arose among the
troops; and at last one of the oldest and bravest came forward.
"Captain," he said, "it is of no use; we cannot feed upon elephants for
ever; we have not a grain of powder left, and must give up the fort when
the attack is made to-morrow. We may as well be prisoners now as then, and
we won't go elephant-hunting any more."
"Ruffian!" I said, "he who first talks of surrender, dies!" and I cut him
down. "Is there anyone else who wishes to speak?"
No one stirred.
"Cowards! miserable cowards!" shouted I; "what, you dare not move for fear
of death at the hands of those wretches who even now fled before your arms—what,
do I say your arms?—before MINE!—alone I did it; and as alone
I routed the foe, alone I will victual the fortress! Ho! open the gate!"
I rushed out; not a single man would follow. The bodies of the elephants
that we had killed still lay on the ground where they had fallen, about
four hundred yards from the fort. I descended calmly the hill, a very
steep one, and coming to the spot, took my pick of the animals, choosing a
tolerably small and plump one, of about thirteen feet high, which the
vultures had respected. I threw this animal over my shoulders, and made
for the fort.
As I marched up the acclivity, whizz—piff—whirr! came the
balls over my head; and pitter-patter, pitter-patter! they fell on the
body of the elephant like drops of rain. The enemy were behind me; I knew
it, and quickened my pace. I heard the gallop of their horse: they came
nearer, nearer; I was within a hundred yards of the fort—seventy—fifty!
I strained every nerve; I panted with the superhuman exertion—I ran—could
a man run very fast with such a tremendous weight on his shoulders?
Up came the enemy; fifty horsemen were shouting and screaming at my tail.
O Heaven! five yards more—one moment—and I am saved. It is
done—I strain the last strain—I make the last step—I
fling forward my precious burden into the gate opened wide to receive me
and it, and—I fall! The gate thunders to, and I am left on the
outside! Fifty knives are gleaming before my bloodshot eyes—fifty
black hands are at my throat, when a voice exclaims,﹃Stop!—kill him
not, it is Gujputi!﹄A film came over my eyes—exhausted nature would
bear no more.