SNL Transcripts: Ben Affleck: 03/13/04: Z105

Saturday Night Live Transcripts Season 29: Episode 15

03o: Ben Affleck / N.E.R.D. Z105
Joey Mack…..Jimmy Fallon Dirty Dan…..Ben Affleck

Joey Mack: Good morning, Saugerties. Joey Mack and the Fuzz here. We got Man in the Box we got Andrea with traffic. Andrea: Pretty hairy on the 9W guys. Man in the Box: Maybe she got a bikini wax.. Joey Mack: Oh Man in the Box, get BACK in the Box! All that and more when the morning mix returns. Jingle: Z105! Joey Mack: So anyways to get back to my story, I had like two of those 7 layer burritos, lets just say they didn’t schedule and bathroom breaks in the middle of my neice’s christening. Andrea: THAT’S GROSS YOU GUYS! Joey Mack: Long story short, I end up christening my DVD’s with a load of chocolate pudding. 5:44 in the AM, well be right back. Jingle: Z105! (Enter Dirty Dan) Joey Mack: Dirty dan the garbage man! Together again dude! Dirty Dan: Yeah its great. Joey Mack: Well, Welcome to Z105. It’s gonna be great to have you here, man. Dirty Dan: Thanks, thanks. Joey Mack: You’re gonna love this place. I’ll tell you what, you’re comin’ on in a couple minutes right? Dirty Dan: Yeah! Joey Mack: Why don’t I introduce you during the show and it’ll be a lot smoother transition. Dirty Dan: Oh, hey, great I appreciate that. Joey Mack: Yeah? It’s gonna be awesome man. Dirty Dan: I’ll just jump right in. Joey Mack: You know how to put on the headphones right? Dirty Dan: Right, right on. Jingle: Z105! Joey Mack: AND WERE BACK! Folks, real special guest here this morning: Dirty Dan the Garbage Man, Z105’s newest DJ is here. Dirty Dan: HEY SAUGERTIES WHATSUPPP!! Joey Mack: Hey! Haha, whats up? Nice. Man in the Box: Classic. Andrea: You’re hilarious, Dirty Dan. Joey Mack: Whoa calm down Andrea! Looks like someone’s trying to get some moudaki. Man in the Box: Looks like she’s givin’ out free moudaki coupons! Andrea: Man in the Box! C’mon you guys! Joey Mack: All right settle down. Dirty Dan and I started together at a college station over at Rutgers Piskatawnee. And, uh, he went down to Tampa-St. Pete, and he’s been tearin’ that place up. Now, Dirty Dan, I understand the FCC kicked you off the air for something you said down there? Dirty Dan: That’s right! I had this character the Notorious HIV. Joey Mack: Yeah? Dirty Dan: They didn’t dig on it… I’m not really allowed to talk about ’till the lawsuits over, but, uh, what it is it it’s goin’ straight on my Easter album. Here comes peter chasin’ Tail, CAN U DIG IT! Joey Mack: Oh that’s funny. Sanji: odiididididodo Joey Mack: Oh our intern Sanji just joined us. Sanji, what’s goin’ on, buddy? Sanji: rodidididi Dirty Dan is hilarious! I am a huge fan of Dirty Dan! Joey Mack: So Dirty Dan, what’s your new show gonna be like, buddy? Dirty Dan: Well, it’s called Dirty Dan the Garbage Man and the Morning Wood, and you gotta look out, its MAY-HEM! Alright, hey-uh you mind if I bring my crew in here? Joey Mack: Naw, sure, go right ahead, come on in. Dirty Dan: Alright, okay, come on in you guys. Alright, lets see, that guy right there is Sherlock Homo. Sherlock: Elementary my queer Watson! Dirty Dan: Whoa. This guy right here is our favorite half-Vulcan half-gangster rapper, 2spock! 2spock: Yo, I just wanna say live large and prosper biatch! Dirty Dan: That guy right there is Man in the Can Man in the Can: What’s up Joey Mack? Dirty Dan: And this sexy lady over here is Andrea with the traffic DD’s Andrea: Hey everybody, hey Man in the Can! Man in the Can: I’d like to get in your can! Dirty Dan: Man in the Can get BACK in that can! Joey Mack: Okay, that’s uh, that’s really great. 5:50 in the AM we’ll be right back. Jingle: Z105! (Off air) Joey Mack: Hey, uh, what was that about? Dirty Dan: What? Joey Mack: What? You totally stole my characters, dude. Dirty Dan: No, dude. No I didn’t, I mean I, uh.. Joey Mack: Oh, well, I don’t know: Man in the Box/ Man in the Can?!? Dirty Dan: (pause) Yeah, I don’t see how that’s similar. Joey Mack: You have Andrea doin’ the traffic!? Dirty Dan: Hey, she works for the station, man. Joey Mack: What! Dirty Dan: You know what, hey u know what bro, we go back. If this bothers you, we’ll just squash it right now. Joey Mack: Okay, no I’m cool. Dirty Dan: I’ll throw it away Joey Mack: Yea? Dirty Dan: No, yeah. Forget it. Joey Mack: No I’m cool. Alright. It’s alright. Jingle: Z105! Joey Mack: And were Back! Joey Mack here with Dirty Dan the Garbage Man. We got Man in the box, Andrea, Sanji the intern Sanji: ridodidodido Dirty Dan: Hey! And we got MY intern, Rajnij! Rajnij: Dododidido, hello! Oh my goodness, how are you doing Joey Mack? Joey Mack: Alright, 5:52 in the AM we’ll be right back. Jingle: Z105! Joey Mack: What was that? Dirty Dan: What, dude? Sanji and Rajnij are from different villages! Joey Mack: Alright, alright. I see how this is gonna be alright. (quickly) And were back! Folks, Dirty Dan the Garbage Man just pooped his pants. We’ll be right back. Jingle: Z105! Dirty Dan: And we’re BACK! Joey Mack just tried to grab my wiener, no kidding! I think he’s into me! Joey Mack: And were back! Folks, Dirty Dan just pooped on his own weiner. Hes got a poop wiener! 2Spock: Yo, whatup. This is 2spock. It’s illogical but Joey Mack pooped his pants! Sanji: RODIDIDODDIO Dirty Dan just took out his purri and his tandurries, eww! Andrea (JM): That’s gross you guys! Joey Mack: (ghetto voice) Yo, that’s straight up disgusting man! Dirty Dan: Uh oh, Joey Mack’s got a major league woody. OH! Sherlock: I’m Sherlock Homo and I love it! Man in the Box: Looks like he’s got a, he’s got a melted fudgesicle in his pants. (Sanji and Rajnij at same time) Sanji: You’ve got a poop wiener! I saw your wiener! Its all curved and poopy and I don’t like that. I’ll never talk to u again Rajnij: What did u do. You do NOT say that I have a fudgesickle in my pants. I can see your weiner! You have gangly wiener! Andrea: (together) OH MY GOD YOU GUYS! Joey Mack: Oh my god you guys, Andreas right, cmon Dirty Dan: We don’t have to fight, bro. Joey Mack: I mean, after all we’ve been through. Dirty Dan: You know what, bro, what do you say we bring out old bit out. Joey Mack: Yeah I didn’t even think you had remembered it. Dirty Dan: Come on bro, course I remember it, let’s bring out, let’s bring em back. Joey Mack: You mean the one and only? Dirty Dan: Yes! The gay 3 stooges bro! Together: HELLO HELLO HELLO, HI! AND WERE BACK!! Submitted by: Pbiava

SNL Transcripts

Author: Don Roy King

Don Roy King has directed fourteen seasons of Saturday Night Live. That work has earned him ten Emmys and fourteen nominations. Additionally, he has been nominated for fifteen DGA Awards and won in 2013, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020. View all posts by Don Roy King

Don Roy KingOctober 8, 2018January 3, 20192003

Author: Don Roy King

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