The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
Hey! I'd like to review this article. This article might take a bit of time for me to review as it's a bit longer and final exams are coming up for me, but I should have it mostly completed by next Sunday (or maybe even next next Sunday because I might need to take a trek to the Seattle Central library to get some of those juicy print-disabled books). ❤HistoryTheorist❤23:53, 2 June 2024 (UTC)Reply
If you qualify, you can apply for print disabled. Of course, make sure you're honest because you don't have to verify it in any way. In fact, any random person who needs access to the books could apply for it and it only takes a few days. Thebiguglyalien (talk) 01:44, 5 June 2024 (UTC)Reply
Update: Final exams are over, so I can really dig into the review. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to find two of the print-disabled books at the library and ILL will be too slow, but I'll do the best with what I've got. ❤HistoryTheorist❤19:43, 10 June 2024 (UTC)Reply
Update 2:@Thebiguglyalien: I have reviewed enough of the article to be (mostly) done giving comments. I am going to put it on hold and will give you 8 days (I'm leaving for vacation on June 27) to respond to the comments. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions or clarifications. ❤HistoryTheorist❤22:31, 18 June 2024 (UTC)Reply
The Roosevelts moved back and forth between New York and Washington as Theodore's political career progressed, and she became a public figure as Theodore's wife as he became a war hero in the Spanish–American War and got elected governor of New York.
I think this sentence could probably use some syntax changes for readability. While you have lots of options for improving this sentence, I'd suggest switching the clauses as Theodore's political career progressed and The Roosevelts moved back and forth between New York and Washington. Perhaps naming Edith might help, but I'm not so sure about that. This is kind of a nitpick though, so take it or leave it if you like.
I went ahead and split them into separate sentences.
Looks good. The only thing I would suggest is that you should rephrase and Edith's early schooling took place at the Roosevelt home, as well as etiquette instruction at the Dodsworth School. I would suggest rephrasing that phrase to something like and Edith's early schooling took place at the Roosevelt home, as well as at the Dodsworth School, where she received etiquette and dancing instruction.
When you write about the meetings Edith would arrange with the cabinet wives, you mention that these meetings allow them to collaborate? Who is collaborating with whom? This may or may not necessitate a modification to the sentence, but I find it a bit confusing. Also, I would advise splitting up that sentence as I found it a bit hard to follow.
Rewritten.
In the beginning of the second paragraph, I made a minor copyedit to say that Edith was acting as the caregiver. I didn't like the original wording, and while I think what's currently written is an improvement, I don't like it much either. All this is to say: if you object to the wording as it stands or have a better idea, please insert it into the text!
In that same area, you might want to see if you can find a different word/phrasing so that words caregiver and care aren't so close together. That might not be possible, but I think it sounds a bit redundant. Also, this might remedy the previous comment.
This is a tiny nitpick, but when you quote Gifford Pinchot, is there a reason why there is an ellipsis? The Gould book makes it seem like the quoted area is the full quote, but perhaps you're basing the quote off a better source.
The full quote is "how much more Mrs. T.R. had to do with Government business than was commonly supposed", which didn't really fit the sentence structure.
Contemporary views of Edith nonetheless saw her as withdrawn because of her emphasis on privacy.
Not seeing how the citation directly supports that. From reading the source material, I'm inclined to believe such a connection exists but I'm not seeing it in Gould 48.
It looks like that was supposed to cover "historical image of Edith Roosevelt as first lady is one of restraint and withdrawal" and so on. I thought about rewording it, but it doesn't actually add anything that hasn't already been said, so I removed it.
Earwig is pretty happy when it comes to copyvios, however, the last paragraph reads almost verbatim from a Time magazine article. Here's the link for your reference. Perhaps you could rephrase the paragraph to avoid such similarity? If there aren't any better alternatives, just let me know.
I swear, every time I'm merciful and leave a previously-existing paragraph untouched! Okay, I rewrote it and trimmed it down. Personally I didn't really consider it important, but it doesn't hurt to keep it.
In the paragraph, you mention Gould. I assume that's Lewis Gould? If so, you should include his first name the first time you introduce his analysis on Edith's views on race.
Good catch, added. I also saw he had an article so I linked it too.
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
