I've been on Wikipedia for 10 years. And no one sent me a birthday cake. Ever.
I remember things back in the olden days,
way back when, in the days of yore,
back in yesteryear,
way, way, back to time immemorial;
and the distant memories of the past,
when dinosaurs roamed the earth,
and forgotten memories were still remembered,
when Father Time had just a mustache,
and the legends of old
were newly minted media stunts;
when the world was still young,
and the march of time
was sort of a crawl,
back when I was younger than the hills,
and a wrinkle in time was like baby fat rolls;
before the bell that tolls was hung,
when death's door was just a walkway,
and I was younger than dirt,
when antiquity was contemporary,
and classical things were modern;
when archeology was originality,
and time-worn was revolutionary,
when primordial civilizations of men
were my fellow tribesmen and women,
and relics of old were shiny and new;
when the sands of time were
rocks and shoals,
and the bygone eras were yet to be born,
when the Gordian knot was a bowtie,
and myths were just vicious rumors;
when Methuselah was a young lad,
and Pandora kept her box shut,
when the pillars of the earth
were still under construction,
and Rome was a lonely wolves den;
when Noah was a landlubber,
before water went under the bridge,
and food was nary for a thought,
like when prehistoric was just
what I ate for breakfast;
before traditions had origins,
and a donkey was an ass,
when sailing ships were rowed by hand,
chariots raced without a wheel,
and the spear had no point;
before the poem had a rhyme,
and literary tropes were sort of novel,
when old school was still preschool,
yarns were spun by the mouth,
and writers used wet clay;
when man caves were homes
and women had bare feet,
when the tilling of earth
was liable to hurt,
and chiropractors not paid;
back when knock-knock
had no who's there
and mountain dew was not in a can,
when click-and-drag
was a marriage proposal;
when jokes were gay,
and gay was funny,
when diagramming sentences made me chuckle,
and reading and 'rithmetic
made more sense;
when science had some use,
and rhetoric its measure,
when teachers basked in literary treasure,
from God and wisdom and
real living legends;
when smoke came with no mirrors,
and fire was made from wood,
before clearing land was deprecated,
when meat was red and bloody still,
and death surer than taxes;
before the Inuit named the snow,
when plows were pushed by hand,
when bawdy women had no profession,
before Noah planted his vine,
and man had no best friend;
when Old Man Winter
was just a spring chicken,
when the chicken herself
had not an egg
and no road to cross;
when the cradle of civilization
was still being carved,
and rituals were the latest thing,
when young people were neither seen nor heard,
and the old weren't even born;
when shoes were tied without a lace
and thongs were for the toes
when the hairs on my head
were golden brown;
I was.