The following discussion is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
The lead seems to be relatively large given the size of the article and could do with some trimming of detail. Eg. the 2nd paragraph could be more succinct (I don't think we need year of birth here) and in the 3rd paragraph, the bit about Preston returning to Tipton Field seems unnecessary.
I've trimmed it somewhat, but I do think that the part about Preston returning to Maryland is important and deserves a mention in the lead.
My comment about trimming the lead aside, the first sentence could have something added to highlight the seriousness of the incident eg. "...and, in a major breach of security, landed it on the White House south lawn."
The second sentence doesn't fit well with the overall chronology of this section. I suggest working the content of the sentence into the portion about training as a mechanic.
Done.
Again because of the chronology, the final sentence would be better off being worked into the aftermath section. However, some sort of statement about Preston being aggrieved/furstrated would still work here if it wasn't expressed ex post facto (as it is at present).
"Soon after, he lifted off without activating his anti-collision lights
Added.
link to the Maryland state police, not Maryland (perhaps mention in background section that Ft Meade is in Maryland)
Done both.
Link Washington DC, District of Colombia police (Metropolitan Police Department of the District of Columbia), Pennsylvania Ave. (express Ave in full), buckshot
Done.
Rather than the bracketed comment RE Sep 11, perhaps just say "not enforced in any significant way at the time."
Added, but I think the bit about Sep 11 is relevant.
"the controller called Washington's Police Department." Is the Washington PD distinct from DC police?
I haven't done much research, but I don't think so
In the 3rd paragraph, you use However to start two successive sentences, suggest rephrasing to avoid this.
Done.
I've just noticed your presentation of south lawn is inconsistent; lower case used mostly but at least one instance of upper case, please standardise.
The article about the south lawn uses capital, so I changed it to that.
"only 5 hit"; small number, express as word
I disagree, because just a few words prior, a number is expressed with numerals, and its more straightforward to write 5/300 than five/300.
"He ran out of his helicopter"; "He exited the helicopter
Done.
Preston can't have been too bad a pilot with all the low level flying he pulled off!
Of course. But I don't think it is very encyclopedic to directly say so. Still, there is a quote from a jetRanger pilot about his skillful flying.
"...as part of the criminal investigation"; no antecedence for the investigation yet, suggest rewording. Perhaps "...as part of the criminal investigation into its theft".
In a legal sense, it wasn't theft, because he didn't try to keep his helicopter. I've removed the word "criminal".
Your presentation of Washington DC is inconsistent, please standardise.
Done, I changed it to D.C.
The second to last paragraph uses "injured bystanders" or variation of same, in consecutive sentences. Suggest rephrasing this.
Rephrased second instance to "collateral damage"
I've linked Christian here, but do we know his original faith? If so, maybe add to background.
He probably didn't have any religion before, but no, I don't know.
Thanks for the through review, I had been waiting for this article to be reviewed for so long I had forgotten about it. Much of the work was actually done on my phone, because right now I'm in France, and its difficult to find time and Internet to use a computer. L293D (☎ • ✎)21:19, 4 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
Looking over your changes and responses above, I'm happy this article meets GA standard; it is well written, covers the subject to a reasonable level, is fully referenced and appropriately illustrated. Passing as GA now. Cheers, Zawed (talk) 23:43, 7 June 2019 (UTC)[reply]
The discussion above is closed. Please do not modify it. Subsequent comments should be made on the appropriate discussion page. No further edits should be made to this discussion.
