This is the talk page for discussing improvements to the Richard Hauptmann article. This is not a forum for general discussion of the article's subject.
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Biography, a collaborative effort to create, develop and organize Wikipedia's articles about people. All interested editors are invited to join the project and contribute to the discussion. For instructions on how to use this banner, please refer to the documentation.BiographyWikipedia:WikiProject BiographyTemplate:WikiProject Biographybiography articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Crime and Criminal Biography, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of Crime and Criminal Biography articles on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the discussion and see a list of open tasks.Crime and Criminal BiographyWikipedia:WikiProject Crime and Criminal BiographyTemplate:WikiProject Crime and Criminal BiographyCrime-related articles
This article is within the scope of the Military history WikiProject. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the project and see a list of open tasks. To use this banner, please see the full instructions.Military historyWikipedia:WikiProject Military historyTemplate:WikiProject Military historymilitary history articles
This article has been checked against the following criteria for B-class status:
This article is within the scope of WikiProject Germany, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of Germany on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the discussion and see a list of open tasks.GermanyWikipedia:WikiProject GermanyTemplate:WikiProject GermanyGermany articles
This article is within the scope of WikiProject United States, a collaborative effort to improve the coverage of topics relating to the United States of America on Wikipedia. If you would like to participate, please visit the project page, where you can join the ongoing discussions.
In general, I like all the information provided in the introduction section. But I wish we could present those facts in a different order, in a scheme that makes the writing flow logically and naturally.
The thing I don’t like is just how much information is packed between two parentheses in the final sentence. All that stuff about how Anna Hauptmann, later in life, sued the various people who had framed her husband.
(……… in her opinion, that is. But it’s my opinion too! I agree with Anna. I believe her husband was innocent.)
We should absolutely include all of that information, but it’s really bad writing technique to stick all of it into one set of parentheses within one very long sentence. No parenthesized (is that a word?) passage should ever be THAT long. In fact, no SENTENCE should ever be that long!
(I’m not angry, though, I promise. I just use all-caps to emphasize particular words, and exclamation points to make it sound semi-humorous. Or something.)
I propose moving that big long parenthesized passage to the end of the Intro section to form a whole new paragraph. Thus, the Intro section would have two paragraphs instead of one.
This new paragraph would be exactly the same information that’s currently within parentheses, but it might consist of more than one sentence. It would probably make sense to split it into at least two sentences.