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Sorry for the short delay. I decided that in light of recent events, I will still complete the review. I'm not going to just abandon it. Posting soon :)--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me21:48, 13 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Up! Live in Chicago' was also a commercial success -> This sentence is a mixture of PEACOCK and NPOV; we don't need for you to tell us that, just stick with the facts
Done.
It was also certified platinum in Australia -> refrain from little choppy sentences like this
I don't think there's anything wrong with having this particular sentence (just to have a good mixture of lengths with sentences). When all sentences all long, it can be a bit overwhelming for the reader, and, of course, when they are all short, it can be choppy and difficult to read. I don't know. That's just my opinion. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message21:20, 24 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I understand. But for "well-written" prose, we try and refrain from choppy and small sentences that can easily be merged into another. But now at that. Why mention Australia and not Austria or Brazil? I would understand the US, being that its the largest market by far, but having those two is just an inconsistency.--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
Twain scheduled the trek primarily because of her prolonged absence from live performances and to ensure playing a concert in the United States prior to her Up! Tour, which was to commence in September 2003 in Europe (although it ultimately did so in North America) -> very run-on and difficult to understand. Try to simplify
Yes, but apparently, the tour was at first going to start in Europe, and she wanted to ensure a concert in the US
She said, "With the tour starting in September, I didn't want to miss the summer without staging a concert in the U.S. After living with these 19 songs [from Up!] and going through the recording process, it's time to get on stage and perform them -> I still don't quite understand. She had a tour? Three shows?
You must clarify for the issues above that the reason she wanted to perform in the US is because she wanted to schedule a concert during the summer. You didn't write that. Now it kind of makes sense.--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me21:49, 25 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
maintain it in an energized spirit -> re-word
Done.
Okay, so as of the first paragraph, I am unclear as whether she was on a regular tour, or the three shows, or anything. A lot needs to be clarified
crossover history that could expand on the number of viewers -> expand? re-word
Done.
The concert was attended by over 50,000 people -> Was it free? This sentence begins the same as the previous one. Also, refrain from these choppt sentences
Yes, it was free. It was in the first sentence of the second paragraph. Also, I tried to change "the concert" to "it", but when I did, it seemed kind of unclear as to what "it" was referring to. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
not performed in an specific format from the three studio versions of the album -> you lost me there
Well, maybe you don't know, but Up! was released under three formats: Blue (World music), Green (Country), and Red (Pop). It was all in one packaging, but with multiple CDs. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
ended with the performance "I'm Gonna Getcha Good!"
Done.
Concluding with the performance -> a
Done.
proceeded to terminate the show -> lol, terminate is a bit harsh
had not attended a concert of Twain's, nor had seen the television special, and was awed by the singer's stage presence -> If he didn't watch it or attend, then how did he review it?
noted the band's differences from that of a usual country band and expressed his desire for a more country-influenced sound. -> repetitious; also, I honestly don't completely follow
Is it clearer? I think so, but I don't think it is less repetitious. It still says "country" twice, but I don't think there's a way to evade that. Any suggestions? -- ipodnano05 * leave@message22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I'm not sure if you are aware, but printed newspapers require the "Cite news" template, which automatically has the publisher appear in parenthesis. This is needed for the first four references etc. Also, some of the works are a bit off. Instead of ARIA.com.au, it would be better to just list it as ARIA Charts. Also, ABPD.org.br isn't needed, as the publisher is ABPD spelled out. There are several of these instances.
Yes, but the printed sources are used. The online articles are. As far as the work and publisher parameters, I think it is pretty much open to interpretation. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message22:36, 24 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
I'm placing the article on hold for seven days. Feel free to ask for an extension if needed and appropriate. If you have any queries, questions or any such thing, don't hesitate to ask them here, I have watch-listed this page. Good luck!--CallMeNathan • Talk2Me11:53, 24 August 2011 (UTC)[reply]
You have to give more of an introduction to the tour. You just go off "It differed from the", which leaves me puzzled
Behind-the-scenes footage was filmed in the same week, when Twain visited local landmarks and events -> was filmed during the same week, and features footage of Twain visiting
Done.
over 8.87 million viewers. Thus, it became the second-most-viewed -> over 8.87 million viewers, becoming the second-most-viewed
Done.
high ratings on television -> high television ratings
on the the television
Done.
I have an issue with the lead sentence that discusses its reception. You should give a full sentence on both its positive and negative aspects (interaction, however some questioned her singing etc.)
Done.
for shipment of 100,000 copies -> s
Done.
Excerpts from Up! Close and Personal were used as the music videos -> Mashed up clips, or the actual performance of the song?
concert, Twain performed a series of three outdoor concerts -> try not repeating obvious wording within such close proximity
Done.
and to ensure playing a concert in the United States prior to her Up! Tour -> This doesn't make sense. Why? The Up Tour did visit the US
At the time, it was to commence in September 2003 in Europe, although it ultimately did so in North America -> don't quite follow
stating she preferred -> that
with a setlist of twenty-two songs -> composed of
Done.
The singer, the singer -> try mixing it up
Done.
music special, and reached out to Twain about filming the concert, which she accepted -> re-write
Done.
NBC executives sought Twain due to her being a well-established artist with a lengthy career and crossover history that could draw in more viewers -> Due to her being? Re-write
Done.
a program specialized to feed children in America -> I didn't know programs specialize in anything
performed "No One Needs to Know" playing an -> while
Done.
Concluding with a performance -> concluding what?
the third and final segment of the concert, the encore -> the encore is not a segment. its an unannounced and unofficial part of the show. ust say she returned for the encore
It's not really unofficial. Most artists have a set encore that they do every single show. I don't really get why it's called the encore though. I always thought the same. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
The July 27, 2003 concert at Grant Park was announced along with Up! Live in Chicago -> doesn't make sense
I get you. What I mean is that it was announced and they said that it was going to be taped for a special. I re-wrote it, but don't think it makes much of a difference. -- ipodnano05 * leave@message04:09, 3 September 2011 (UTC)[reply]
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