Pretty much, nobody. I've been surreptitiously correcting punctuation errs since 6th grade. But now I have my very own user page! I'm gonna make a really informative one.
WHY I'M HERE
Syntax and grammar
I'm mainly here to correct all the grammar errors that deface my sacred Wikipedia. Strangely, I never see any speling misteaks. Maybe those errors are caught by a Wikipedia spell-checker during posting.
However, we observe that WP doesn't care about spelling; the system let me post "speling misteaks." So the lack of them in Wikipedia is now one of the 1067,632,611 things I don't understand. I was hoping college would reduce that, but instead, the number of things I don't understand has exploded.
I don't know why, so increment the count again.
Style
I don't have any, but Wikipedia articles should. Many don't because few nerds write well (as with sooo many other attributes, I'm a lonely statistical outlier). WP looks very unprofessional when it appears to have been written by really smart sixth-graders. It makes people say "Mmmm... I dunno. Maybe I better look it up in a real encyclopedia."
KISS (keep it simple, smartass)
I'm also here to simplify science and math explanations (particularly in ledes) by replacing technical jargon ☞ without removing any of the meaning.
In this effort, physicist Richard Feynman is my Jesus. Unless his words were intended for academics, he never said "object with mass;" he said "stuff." This made him tremendously understandable. I kneel before Feynman. If he was still alive, I'd bend over in front of him, too.
Why I'm not here
I'm not here to edit the content of any article even remotely controversial. Quantified logic and hypergeometry; maybe. But when I was a little kid, I gazed in horror at what happens to people who attract the attention of the goon squads that own articles here: they get beat up and "disappeared."
I saw it happen to a liberal, prominent university researcher in the field of race and intelligence. He got into the field specifically to help little black children, But he got banned for quoting volumetric brain scans taken by other researchers.
I already knew that truth is not beauty, but then I saw that knowledge is not power.
Jimbo ought to be ashamed of himself for not putting a stop to it, but he's too busy making five grand per speech at colleges like mine and fu cking groupies.
Or maybe I'm just mad because three other girls were in front of me at his motel door and he said he didn't need a fourth.
I dunno. I'm autistic, bewildered, and never know what the hell is going on around me.
Free love, hooking up, swinging, and orgies in the 1920s and 1960s—the only two times in the 20th century that lots of people experienced genuine joy.
Geometry
It's the only interesting kind of math (...well, predicate calculus is pretty cool). Math that involves numbers is boring, though (i.e., too hard). I like:
Topology Specifically, the differential topology of hyperdimensional surfaces.
Metric spaces, in particular, their signatures, the (3,1) pseudometric of our 4D spacetime, and specifically, null surfaces like photons and black holes. They're the "n" in a (3,n,1) metric. Since I already learned rudimentary calculus on my own, I'm taking a class in tensor calculus now. It has really opened my eyes about how stuff fits together. But it's difficult, and I can barely hang on.
Hypergeometry
The 3D shadow of a 4D cube:
It is rotating around two axes at the same time: one of the three real ones and the imaginary axis.
All faces of this hypercube are on the outer surface.
All faces are squares.
The faces are all the same size.
Their sizes never change.
All of the angles are always right angles.
Clockwise vs. counter-cc rotation around the imaginary axis means which side appears to expand from the center of this 3D shadow.
Only get into hyperspatial topology if all of that is exciting!
Physics
I can't do real physics because I'm stupid, but these are actually about geometry, so they're okay:
I'm just a beginner in those (and pretty much everything else in life). My main interest is their intersection, which is the shape and connectivity of the universe in four dimensions.
A masterpiece nobody knows about because it's deSade. It ought to be taught in high school, the lesson being that you sure as hell better do what makes you happy, or else you're a gullible rube headed for an unendurably sad, internally-contradictory life.
For example, pious teenage Justine seeks refuge from the crude, carnal world in a monastery. But she is forced to become a sex slave for the supposedly-chaste Men of God, who can finally stop buggering each other and subject her to countless perversions as she is raped three ways at the same time: brutally, gleefully, and repeatedly.
Lucky girl.
ABOUT ME
There isn't very much since I haven't existed very long.
Too smart for my own good
It's not a "gift;" it's a curse from God.
Skipped 2nd and 11th grades. Kids just as stupid, only bigger, stronger, and meaner—and that's just the girls.
High school classes still as boring as middle school. I could teach the science and math ones. At least I'd get to eat lunch in the faculty lounge instead of hiding in the corner facing the wall in the cafeteria.
College! OBOY!!
Freshman at 15.
Dual major (Math and Physics).
Everyone else is smart too, so nobody acts like it's a disease.
Nobody pushes me around because I'm smaller and weaker and younger. Here, they protect people like that.
The other kids here are amazing! Nobody cares if you're black or gay or smart or anything else that normal people hate.
The kids here don't hit each other at all, ever. It never occurred to me that this could be the norm.
College kids speak proper English, and even strangers act like we're best friends.
The other kids actually like me(!) They're not pretending or just being nice when grownups are watching, because no one's watching anymore. I cannot overemphasize what a wonderful thrill that is, and it gives me joy at a deep level in me that I never knew existed. Me happy? GOD, I could actually be happy here!
College is like drinking icewater when you're thirsty, or switching from a 7" black & white TV to 120" 8K color. It's like bursting to the surface when you're suffocating underwater. College is like the end of THX-1138, where the guy emerges into the nonsterile, colorful, dirty, free world that he didn't know existed. And to think they almost didn't let me live in the dorm!
Just one dee-convenience: No one will instantiate the pointless, crude, dirty, vulgar primate animal mating instinct with me, even though it's beautiful and wonderful and magical and sacred. I know I'm autistic, but how can sex be both embarrassingly unimportant and the most important thing in the world? If it isn't dirty, why do they keep the dirty magazines under the counter? It's the primary contradiction of being an intelligent animal.
Autism is the inability to perceive social context, and this is a great example. At the next nude run, I'm going to run around naked. I've never been naked in front of a boy, But soon, I'm going to show it to them.
Oh well, at least I get high with them now. Sex WILL happen many times on my birthday. A any freshman-age guy who wants me on the 4th floor lounge sofa, in pubic public. I'll put a sign up the day before. We can have a big dorm countdown to a celebration of being alive before we die. Ooo, I better get on the pill now!
People who have never lived on campus have NO IDEA how different and wonderful and free and good and happy it is—and how grievously, tragically temporary.
Updates
====[ 2014:
Got a Wikipedia account instead of editing as an IP address. Now I have a name (and a profile)! Oh boy!
====[ 2015:
Entered joyful, magical college! Oh, this is going to be FUN!
====[ 2016:
Can't do much anymore—I'm trashed and smashed and crashed and broken. I can't even roll over in bed, literally. Left leg and left arm are like a space pod in a hotel room: nonfunc. Bye-bye left eye. Guess I better sell my Nvidia 3D glasses. I'd be a walking horror show if I could walk. Photo of me.
Probably lost next semester, too. Oh well.
====[ 2017:
Lost not only the semester, but I won't be going to school anymore, or out of this house, or into the kitchen, or the bathroom, or any god damn where else. Permanently addicted to powerful narcotics and no one cares, not even me.
Tensor calculus was too hard for me to learn on my own. Thus ends understanding stuff. Probably never do sex, either.
Oh well.
====[ 2018:
Well, I'll be damned; antidepressants DO work! It's a Cosmic Inversion: I was a body without a life, now I'm a life without a body. I'm 18 now, so I can "legally" edit Wikipedia. At 12, I was afraid I'd get caught and banned! I can go in bars now, except I can't.
I also can't see in 3D, so I knock over lamps and full cans of orange soda. Pisses off caretaker, who is becoming less sympathetic. Autistic heuristic added: Sympathy doesn't last.
Right eye fading. The worst thing about being totally blind will be that I won't be able to look at porn. Because I never did it and and it's impossible, sex has become mythical and magical. I'm watching extra porn now so I can remember it. Thank god I'm right-handed. They said it would make me go blind, but this is ridiculous.
...Y'know, I ought to monetize this! I'm a teenage virgin, naked all day, completely helpless in a bed that I can't ever leave. ==> Some men would pay BIG MONEY for that! Especially since I have a rare talent: with one eye missing, I can charge extra for "wink job" service—a hard-on add-on!
BUT: Everyone I knew in college just graduated. They all turned into grownups and will create families. I have nothing to go back to even if I could. My dorm is now just an empty sandstone structure, enduring the freezing rain until it erodes away into sand in the galaxy forever.
Hey, tough titties.
I get to slack off while you suckers have to work every day. One person's unendurable nightmare of solitary imprisonment, never being touched is another person's free lifetime luxury vacation.
====[ FROM HERE TO ETERNITY:
No more updates!!!WP:Notblog. Oops. Sorry. I actually didn't realize that.
Plus, new caretaker said this page is inappropriate, self-pitying, too long, too personally revealing, silly, emotionally retarded, mentally ill, childish, WAY too sexual; and that if suddenly I wasn't so autistic, I would be shocked and embarrassed. But that's like telling a retarded blind woman she's ugly. She believes it, but she doesn't understand.
I'm delirious from solitary confinement. "Other people" is a forgotten concept from someone else's college life a decade ago.
I'm the living dead -- Barnabas Collins, buried alive.
But again, tough titties. At least the dead have someplace to sleep. Lots of people don't. I live like a queen.
There's no reason I should be crying.
====[ 2024: 1,000 edits. Time flies when you're not having fun.
