*On the Lead
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"five of which are elementary, three of which are" The second usage of "of which" is redundant.
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In my opinion, the third paragraph is too detailed for the lead, why dont you shorten it and merge it with the second?
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Comment #1 on lead is the same here.
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"in parts of the southern Okanagan and lower Similkameen regions.". "In parts of" sound weird. Try to use a better wording for it. [you may like to use "Inside"]
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"part of the Okanagan maintain". "part of the Okanagan region maintain..."
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"consist of pipels from Grade 8 to 12". I guess you may wanted to say "pupils"?
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"at schools with district 53" I guess it's "within"?
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I don't understand completely the first sentence on the second paragraph. I mean, i think you need to expand a bit about from where trhat deffinition comes and so.
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Also, why the policy was amended? could you add a bit about it?
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Done. TBrandley 21:11, 4 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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I have a little issue with the last sentence from the second paragraph: From what I read, it seems a bit useless or written more like an advert than an encyclopedic statement. Affirmations such as "recognize the importance of" gives me that feeling.
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Thanks for the review! I've addressed all of the concerns listed. TBrandley 21:11, 4 November 2012 (UTC)[reply]
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