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This is a humorous essay.
It contains the advice or opinions of one or more Wikipedia contributors and is made to be humorous. This page is not one of Wikipedia's policies or guidelines, as it has not been thoroughly vetted by the community. Some essays represent widespread norms; others only represent minority viewpoints. This essay isn't meant to be taken seriously. |
 | This is a decree by the Supreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW). It expresses opinions and ideas that are absolutely and irrefutably true whether you like them or not. Changes to it must reflect the wishes of the Supreme Cabal. When in doubt, please ignore the talk page and just keep reverting. |
 | This page in a nutshell: What happens on Wikipedia, stays on Wikipedia. |
While it is fine to recruit sane, reasonable people to become Wikipedians, one must remember that Wikipedia is intensely addictive and talking about all the fun disputes you've been having, people you've been oppressing, and general mayhem you've enjoyed as a Wikipedian may cause them to spontaneously attempt to join in.
Unfortunately, new users, including those with a numeric moniker, diving in to join in the fun other people are having tend to stick out like sore thumbs and will promptly be labeled as your evil sock minions and end up not having any fun at all. This is especially true when they play with the revert button, take up arms on your side, and attack your enemies. While this may seem very pleasant from one point of view, it reflects badly on you, and is detrimental to the long-term health of these well-intentioned newbies.
As a result, the Supreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW) has decreed that new users should be treated in the following fashion:
Only by following this complicated and necessary task can new users be properly certified by the cabal and made in to productive abusers of the Five Pillars of Evil.
It has come to the attention of the Supreme Cabal Regime of the English Wikipedia (SCREW) that some nefarious users have been recruiting new users solely in order for them to fight on their behalf. This is strongly discouraged, as the raising of armies on Wikipedia is permitted only when there is a primogeniture dispute between admins,[2] due to the immense collateral damage modern warfare causes.
